“Almost,” Jessica said, then rose from her stool. “I need to shower, too.”
Logan flicked his wrist to check his watch and said, “Better get going. We’ve gotta leave in an hour.”
“Don’t remind me,” she grumbled as she trudged up the stairs.
She’d expected the shower to loosen some of the tension in her body, but the warm air and spray of the water did nothing but suffocate her, and she wound up curled into a ball on the smooth tile floor, tears streaming down her face.
More than anything, she wished Jack was here. She wished she hadn’t turned him away last night when he begged to stay with her. At least she’d have an anchor in this sea of uncertainty, even if saying goodbye to him at those airport gates would rip her heart from her chest. But she’d endure that, happily, to have the safe cocoon of his arms around her right now. Would gladlyleave her heart a bloody mess in his hands as long as he held hers until he could no longer.
Finally, she dragged herself out of the bathroom, dressed and, on autopilot, piled anything she hadn’t been able to pack last night into her bags. She was traveling with two hard-sided suitcases, one full sized, the other a carry on, plus her backpack. The seams of all three strained against everything she’d stuffed inside them. She knew she’d blown well past the fifty pound limit for her checked bag, but she needed to bring enough with her to survive for the time it took for her parents to ship the rest of her things overseas.
Andthatwas a whole other added stress. What if everything got lost along the way? What if, in addition to starting a new life in a new country, she also had to replace her entire wardrobe and book collection?
No, she couldn’t think like that. Today was going to be hard enough without worrying over things she couldn’t control.
“Knock knock,” Berkley said from the doorway to Jessica’s guest room. “Are you about ready?”
“Almost,” Jessica said, drawing one last zipper closed on her backpack, then surveying the items laid out on her bed that she’d stuff into her belt bag. Phone, portable phone charger, wallet with ID, credit cards, and cash—though that last one wouldn’t do her much good once she left the States—passport, AirPods, lip balm, hand sanitizer, and a tiny bottle filled with any meds she could possibly need on an intercontinental flight. After carefully placing everything inside and strapping the bag over her chest, she turned to her sister.
“Ready,” she said, offering Berkley a strained smile.
“Oh, Jess,” Berkley said, then rushed to her. Jessica threw her arms around Berkley and pulled her close, not bothering to hold back the sobs racking her body.
“I’m scared,” she admitted to her sister through her sobs, saying those words out loud for the first time.
“I would be, too,” Berkley said, pulling away to hold Jessica at arm’s length. “This is a huge life change.”
“Not as big as having a child,” Jessica said. “You handled that like a pro.”
Berkley barked out a laugh, then pushed Jessica backward until she collapsed onto the end of the bed.
“Jessica, I cried for like a week straight after we brought Brooks home.”
“What?” Jessica shouted, incredulous.
One thing Jessica had always admired about her sister was that nothing scared her, and nothing phased her. She was stubborn, to her detriment more often than not, but she was also the most fearless person Jessica knew. So hearing this, that she not only cried, but cried fordaysafter bringing her son home, was a shock.
“Are you trying to tell meyouwouldn’t be terrified to bring a whole ass life into the world, and then bring him home and not be even more freaked out by the fact that you now have to keep him alive?”
“No, I would absolutely shit my pants,” Jessica assured her. “But I never expected you…”
“I’m not a robot, Jess, and being a first-time mother is no fucking joke. The point I’m trying to make here is that the changes that scare us the most are usually the most worthwhile.”
Jessica’s mind whirred back to four years ago, when her mother said something similar to her about her relationship with Jack. Then, Jessica had ignored the advice because she knew it would’ve been the wrong move for her at the time. But now? Now, she knew Berkley was right.
“You’re right,” she said, speaking her thoughts out loud.
Her sister tapped Jessica’s nose with her pointer finger and said, “I usually am.”
“Whatever,” Jessica replied with a laugh and a shove.
Then she stood and hefted her backpack onto her shoulders.
“Let’s do this.”
“That’s the spirit.”
The last thing Jessica wanted was a whole crowd of people at the departure terminal, doing the whole tearful goodbye thing that was better left to the movies or the ends of sappy romance novels. Unfortunately, her family couldn’t be dissuaded from bringing her to the airport. And doubly unfortunate was the fact that, with the addition of Brooks to the family, they couldn’t take one vehicle. So Jessica would be riding with Brent, Berkley, and Brooks, while her mom, dad, and Logan took a separate car.
