His gaze snapped up to hers then, the first time their eyes met since she opened her door ten minutes before, and she’d be damned if it didn’t make her a little weak in the knees. That single-minded focus, those bright green eyes that always cut right to her soul, she nearly hurtled the counter and threw herself into his arms.
But she wouldn’t,couldn’t, make this easy for him.
She felt a lot like a feral cat at that moment: malnourished, entirely forgotten, and ready to lash out at the next person who tried reaching for her.
And here Mitch was, extending that olive branch she’d been so desperate for during the deepest, darkest parts of the last year.
Only now, she didn’t want it.
“Lexie…” his voice cracked, but she refused to cave.
“Seriously, Mitch. Get. The. Fuck. Out.”
Mitch half-turned, but stalled and spun to face her again, jaw set in what she recognized as grim determination.
“Not until you listen to me. I know I fucked up, and I’m going to spend every moment from here on out making it up to you. Whatever you want, I’ll do it. Do you want me to get on my hands and knees right here and beg you? Just say the word. But the one thing I’m not going to do is let you run away again. You ran away a year ago, and yeah, I didn’t fight for you like I should have. I let you push me away instead of holding on for dear life. But that’s not going to happen again. I’m here for good, and I’m not letting you get away again. I refuse.”
This time he fully turned away from her and walked toward the door. Lexie trailed after him like a puppy, telling herself it was because she wanted to make sure he actually left and not because some quiet, hopeful part of her heart wanted to believe what he was saying. When he set his hand on the doorknob, he looked back at her over his shoulder and said, “Or have you already forgotten? We’re endgame, baby.”
And then he was gone as quickly as he came, and Lexie rushed to where her phone was resting on the kitchen island, dialing Berkley’s number with shaking fingers.
“Hey, Lex,” Berkley said.
“I’m going to kill you,” Lexie responded, then hung up.
It came as no shock that Berkley let herself into her apartment twenty minutes later.
Lexie greeted her with a glass of wine and said, “You made good time.”
“I didn’t tell him where you live,” Berkley said, accepting the glass and taking a large mouthful. “Brent did.”
“But you did help him make sure I’d be home tonight, didn’t you? Were you even planning on coming over?”
“Of course I was. As soon as he left. And look…I made it!”
Lexie lifted a chunk of cheese from the charcuterie board and chucked it at Berkley, who ducked out of the way.
“I hate you,” Lexie said.
Berkley didn’t say anything, simply gathered the cutting board loaded with snacks and carried it into Lexie’s living room. She came back a moment later for her wine, dragging Lexie along behind her.
No words were exchanged as they nestled into the couch and turned on the Warriors’ game.
It was late in the second period, a full bottle and a half of wine gone, the charcuterie board picked nearly clean, when Berkley finally spoke.
“It didn’t go well, did it?” Berkley asked, walking around the counter and setting her wine glass down so she could wrap Lexie in a hug.
“We talked, I yelled, I told him to get the fuck out, he reminded me we’re endgame. Same shit, different day.”
Because she and Mitch had been through this song and dance before, hadn’t they? Every single time things between them had gotten too serious, she’d done everything in her power to push him away. And he kept coming back, kept holding on, holding out hope that maybe one day she’d get her shit together and love him back the way a man like him deserved to be loved. With her whole heart, her whole mind, body, and soul.
It should have been painfully obvious to him after their disastrous dinner with her parents that she couldn’t, and never would be, that girl for him. That she was entirely incapable of giving that kind of love to someone. How could she, when she had spent her entire life without receiving it?
“Things are better this way,” she told Berkley quietly. “He just doesn’t know it yet.”
“Lexie…” Berkley said, and held up a hand when Lexie tried to cut her off. “What was it you told me when Brent and I broke up? You have to decide here and now to either find a way to trust him and love him how he deserves, and let him love you back, or you move on. This limbo you’ve got yourself caught in isn’t hurting just you anymore. It’s hurting all of us.”
“I can’t love him like he deserves,” Lexie said.
