Charlie got that small, quietly happy look again, as if too afraid to actually look forward to something. He shrugged. “Sure. If you want to, that’d be nice.”
“I want to.”
I really, really did.
Icalled Bobby a few hours later, after Charlie left for his afternoon rest.
“Hey,” he answered. A baby wailed in the background. “Everything going alright?”
“Sounds like I should be asking you that,” I replied, talking through my wireless earbuds. Just about finished with my hourly smoke sweep, I paced around the outer deck to double-check the lightning strike sites I’d reported in the last storm, like Janine said I should.
“Ear infection. Poor girl’s been up three nights straight.”
I cringed. “I’m sorry. Is she okay? How are you two holding up?”
Bobby sighed. “Doctor said it’s normal. Jade and I are alive, but that’s about all. Anyway, how are things there?”
“As good as they can be. Janine’s still missing. Another lookout quit this morning. Everyone’s worried. Oh, and Mom called. She knows. I should’ve told her myself, but now she’s not going to leave it alone.”
Bobby made a dejected noise. “Can you blame her? Have you thought about getting out of there?”
I stopped short. “What do you mean?”
“I mean quit, like the others.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why not?” he asked, confused. “It’s not about the money, is it? I’m sure you could figure out somewhere to live for the summer. I can talk to Dad and see if there’s a position for you at the ranger station in town. Anything other than staying out there all alone.”
I turned to go inside, but stopped short when I saw Charlie had appeared. He shook out his blanket and carefully folded it before draping it over the back of his chair. When he looked up, he grinned and waved hello.
“I can’t leave,” I answered, more harshly than I intended to.
“Okay…” Bobby said. Molly’s wailing pitched higher.
“I’m the only lookout left on the west side,” I added, softer. “I don’t want to leave your dad hanging.”
Bobby sighed. “I get that. But?—”
“I feel better out here,” I cut in. With sudden certainty, I knew it was the truth. “I haven’t thought about the shit that’s wrong with me in days, Bobby. A lot of that is about what’s going on, sure. And I’m worried for Janine. But it’s also just being out here. I enjoy this.”
My eyes caught on the way Charlie tentatively picked up the binoculars, his hands tangling in the straps. “I’m not ready to go back to real life yet. I feel like I’m just finding it again, if that makes sense.”
He shushed the baby in the background. “You do sound lighter. And I’m happy for that. I just don’t want you to get hurt, that’s all.”
I looked at Charlie again. “I’m being careful.”
Scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” I groaned, tossing my sketchpad aside.
It was late, well after dark. I sat in bed sideways, with my back to the wall, facing Charlie. As usual, he hovered near the wood stove, and the way the firelight danced along his cheekbones had inspired me to practice my shading.
For no particular reason.
He peered up from the book in his lap. “What’s that noise?”
“This goddamn raccoon won’t leave me alone,” I grumbled, shuffling over to slide on my Crocs. “I’ve tried everything I can think of to make it go away, but it keeps coming back.”
