He continued up the stairs. “I’m not hungry. Goodnight.”
The click of Jaime’s door closing might as well have been a bomb, shattering Finn’s world.
Finn was a wreck.He’d spent the entire night lying awake, tossing and turning, anxiously watching the monitors for signs of Salt Creek activity around the house, and ears strained for anyhint of Jaime’s movements. He’d locked himself in his room all evening and all through the night, and the only movement Finn heard was when he’d shuffle out of bed and pad to the bathroom and back.
Finn stumbled out of bed the next morning later than usual, but Jaime still hadn’t left his room. He whipped up some oatmeal for them both, topping Jaime’s bowl with all of the things he knew he liked. He left a note telling him to warm it back up in the microwave, and that he needed to run a few errands and would be back soon.
What Finn really needed was a good hard run. The four-legged kind.
He needed to sink into that headspace where his emotions were muted, and it was easier to flip the switch on his anxious thoughts—where he could focus on the soft padding of his paws hitting the earth as he loped through the trees. He hadn’t shifted all week, too afraid to go out of earshot of Jaime, and he was feeling it.
He texted Silas and asked him to come and watch the house for a few hours so that Finn could go blow off steam. Seeing as the two Salt Creek shifters had seen Silas yesterday, there wasn’t any sense in him keeping his distance anymore.
Finn stepped outside when he heard Silas’s truck pull up and met him in the driveway. Silas took one look at him and asked, “What happened?”
Finn shook his head. “Nothing. I just… explained that we had an idea about Jeffrey Dugan’s involvement when we took the case, and hadn’t told him about it. He was angry and hurt. Jaime doesn’t like to feel like he’s being kept in the dark about things. I should have told him sooner, but…” he shrugged.
Silas scanned his face. “It bothers you very much that he’s angry at you. That you hurt him.”
Finn locked eyes with Silas and nodded.
“But that’s not what’s driving your wolf to run, Finn. Talk to me.”
It was an odd thing, when Silas gave him orders like that. Finn always thought that being half wolf made him immune to the more innate instincts—the desire to patrol and mark his territory, the urge to square up with other wolves and fight for dominance. But when Silas spoke in that way, when he gave him a direct order, Finn was all but compelled to obey. He didn’t do it often, and almost always looked guilty after, especially when it interfered with the chain of command in their military years.
He didn’t look guilty now, though. He just looked like a concerned friend. So, Finn didn’t fight the order.
“I want to tell him.”
The relief from speaking it aloud was devastating—all of his emotions swelled to the surface, and he couldn’t stop the outpouring if he tried. “He smells right, Si. He smells like mine and he said he wanted this to be more, to try. He’s curious and smart and unintentionally hilarious andbeautifuland I want to hear him laugh every day and I want to be the one that makes him feel safe. But then I kept things from him, and he was hurt, and I?—”
He heaved a sob, and Silas put a supporting hand on his shoulder. “What if I tell him and he hates me for lying about it? What if I tell him and he hatesme? Looks at me like I’m a monster?”
Silas made a soothing rumble in his chest. “Come on brother, let’s go sit in the truck.” Finn cast a glance back toward the house, but Silas pushed him forward. “He will be fine inside, Finny. I’ve got an ear on the place, no one’s nearby. Up, in the truck.”
Finn shuffled in, and Silas followed on the driver’s side. They both just sat together, deep breaths mirroring each other, and Finn basked in the ease of finally opening up his heart. Silashad always seen and known all of him, and had loved him like a brother even more for it.
“I knew it the moment we pulled into this driveway, you know. Sitting just like this. You shot out of the truck and went straight for him. The way you both looked at each other in that moment…” Silas nodded his head. “I knew.”
“How? I don’t think I even knew then.”
Silas gave him a half smile. “You did, you just hadn’t quite gotten there yet. I remember once when I was young, before we left the pack, I saw it happen. An alpha from a pack in Maine had come to visit for business, and he’d brought his children along with him. One of his sons saw a daughter of one of the higher ranking members, and—” Silas snapped his fingers, “just like that. They were only eighteen or nineteen at the time, but still, they were mated and wed within a week.”
Silas chuckled at the wide-eyed look Finn gave him. “I’m not saying you have to bite and marry the man by tomorrow. I’m saying that for some of us, it’s just like that. We know. And I can’t imagine what it must feel like for you to know your mate, and want your mate, but to not be sure if your mate would want you in return. I know it has you all twisted up, Finn. But…”
Finn looked over at him. “But?”
“I think that fear is clouding your judgment. And you are still doing what he’s very explicitly asked you not to do. You are still hurting him by keeping him in the dark, managing what he knows because you think you know what he wants.”
Finn made to argue. Jaime didn’t want to be kept in the dark about the case—about things that affected him in that way—but Finn being a wolf shifter, Jaime being his mate, that was so much more. “It’s different.”
No, it’s not.
“No, it’s not.” Silas raised his eyebrow at him. “You said he told you that he wanted to know you more. He wanted to try with you. Do you feel the same?”
Finn sighed heavily. “Yes. Obviously.”
“Well, then.Try. If not for him, for your mate, then who? Who will be worth risking your heart for?”
