“Can I ask you something?”
Jaime continued to blink at him, but nodded.
“First, eat,” Finn said firmly, pointing with his fork at the food before them. Jaime blushed again. Didn’t he have a similar reaction this morning when Finn had used the same tone with him? He’d chalked it up to all of the romance novels Jaime had been reading, but maybe Jaime enjoyed it when Finn told him what to do? Gave him orders?
His hand clutched the edge of the table, canines threatening to descend.
Focus. You are in public. You can’t jump the boy in the middle of the goddamn restaurant.
His wolf prowled at the image that conjured.
Jaime squirmed in his seat at Finn’s directive, but picked up his fork and stabbed at a ravioli. And fuck, the moan that came out of his mouth upon tasting the food made Finn hard as granite, length stiffening down the leg of his jeans.
Andi is giving me that butternut squash ravioli recipe before we leave, or I’ll piss in her yard for a week.
Finn cleared his throat and dug into his own plate of short ribs. “Is that why you’ve been distant with me since the first day I was here? You thought I was with someone else? I know before, we were—” He cut himself off, unsure how to describe what they had almost been.
Jaime was quiet for a beat, sipping on the lentil soup. “Yes. Kind of.” Still not looking at Finn, he set his spoon down and took a drink of water. “I’m not that same man you met a year ago, Finn. I can’t laugh the way I used to, or meet an attractive stranger online and strike up a conversation with him. I can’t behim,anymore.”
The grief in his voice cut Finn to the bone.
“It made sense that you would be with someone strong and confident, like Silas. I can’t be that. And I don’t want to besomeone you need to worry about. Stress over. Manage. I can’t be work, for you.”
A million things sprung to the tip of his tongue. Did Jaime really think that Finn would consider being with him a burden? Did he really think that Finn would only want something shallow and surface deep with him? Did he believe that Finn wouldn’t want him because he had experienced something awful, and was working through it?
“Look at me.”
The air thickened between them when Jaime did as he was told, everyone and everything else fading away. That tug on Finn’s heart grew stronger, humming. “You are not now, nor have you ever been, a burden.”
His voice was a quiet rumble, and he itched to reach across the table to hold Jaime’s hand. “You are strong and resilient, and just because this hasn’t been easy for you, that does not mean you are weak.”
Jaime’s eyes cast downward, and then Finn did reach across the table for his hand, gently pulling until he looked up. “You are allowed to let yourself respond to what has happened to you. And just because you can’t find those old parts of you now, that doesn’t mean they’ve left you. They can still be a part of you again, someday, if you want them. They might look a little different, that’s all.”
Jaime’s voice was small in the hushed quiet between them. “What if I can’t ever get them back?”
“Then you’ll find new things that make you who you are. New things to love,” Finn said.
Jaime’s face fell, and Finn couldn’t help but go on. “A year ago, you were a beautiful man that I saw on a dating app and wanted to know, but never got the chance.” Jaime tried to tug his hand away, but Finn held on. “Today, I have that chance. And I will not let that chance go again, Jaime. You are still a beautifulman that I want to know more about, but that is because of who you are now, sitting in front of me. Not some imaginary, alternate, better version of yourself. This one, here. This is the real you. Please don’t diminish that.”
The hope brimming in Jaime’s eyes nearly broke him, and he nodded in agreement, blinking away tears. “Okay.”
Finn gently squeezed Jaime’s hand and let go, picking up his fork. They shared a few moments of comfortable silence, eyes catching in the intimacy of their private little booth.
“So, this is Andi’s.” Jaime looked around, like he was finally relaxed enough to do so. “It’s the perfect spot for a first date. Good choice.”
His face turned grave, and words began to tumble from him. “I’m sorry. For ghosting you, for not explaining. I should have. IwishI had. But I was such a mess after everything happened, I couldn’t handle anything other than reminding myself that I wasn’t in that closet anymore. And then weeks went by and you didn’t reach out, and I thought that was probably for the best because I was still so fucked up over everything, and?—”
“Jaime.”
He stopped, breathing quickly, and Finn wanted to hug him.
He’s vulnerable.
Hold him.
Finn took a steadying breath. “You don’t owe me an apology, or an explanation. I hate what happened to you. Ihateit. I wish I could have done something. But we can’t go back, either of us. And so I’m just… I’m glad we’re here now. I’m really fucking glad you’re sitting across from me right now.”
Jaime nodded, eyes glassy and warm. “I’m very glad to be sitting across from you right now too, Finn.”
