Something broke inside my chest. A dam ruptured, flooding me with scalding rage that burned away the hurt.
“Well, that’s fine. That’s just dandy. Just fucking go, then. Get out of my sight,” I spat at him before he could even stammer an explanation. My words lashed out like whips, striking before he could wound me further with excuses or goodbyes. “But I hope you haven’t taken any food from the galley, because they’ll all suffer for it. Hawk-Eyes. Ariella. Willy.” I deliberately named the people he’d grown closest to, watching his face crumple with each one. “Viper will lower their rations.”
“I haven’t,” he said quietly, eyes dropping to the deck.
Sprocket circled between us, making distressed chirping sounds. The vexling’s amber eyes darted back and forth, sensing the fracture opening between us.
“Brilliant. Off you go then, before I change my mind.” I turned on my heel, the grinding of my prosthetic punctuating my exit as I stomped toward the rigging to the crow’s nest. I’d nurse my wounds up there with the stars.
I didn’t look back. Couldn’t. If I saw his face again, I might shatter completely.
Navigating the shroud with my prosthetic was always challenging, but now it was a welcome distraction from the hollow ache spreading through my chest.
I settled at the top of the crow’s nest, the wind biting at my face. I’d be okay in just a moment. Up here, among the clouds and stars, I could almost pretend nothing mattered.Almost.
The soft creak of the rigging being climbed shattered my plan.
My jaw clenched. What was Ghost playing at?
I poked my head through the opening, ready to snarl at him—only to find myself staring directly into his determined green eyes. My breath caught in my throat.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I growled, anger and confusion warring inside me.
He didn’t answer. Didn’t even acknowledge my question. He just kept climbing, one ratline after another, his face set in stubborn lines.
I was forced to move backwards as he hauled himself up into the crow’s nest. The small space suddenly felt impossibly tight with both of us there, the air between us charged with tension.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I repeated, my voice unsteady despite my best efforts to sound furious.
Ghost stared at me for a long moment, his copper hair whipped by the wind, his pale skin almost luminous in the moonlight.
“Look,” he finally said, his voice low but firm. “You might not care about me at all and would be happy for me to just leave on that horrible note between us, but I can’t do that.” He gestured around us, at the crow’s nest where we’d shared so many conversations. “Not after… everything.”
I stared at Ghost, trying to mask the turmoil his words created. His face was earnest, desperate—and still so damn beautiful, it hurt to look at him.
“You were just going to disappear,” I said quietly, unable to keep the hurt from my voice. “Without even saying goodbye.”
Ghost looked down, guilt crossing his features. “Saying goodbye to you would’ve been too hard, and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to leave if I did that.”
“It hurts that you’d just leave.” The words came out rough. “I’ve had someone I trusted—someone I cared for very much—betray me before. Walk away like I meant nothing. It’s not a feeling I enjoy revisiting.”
Ghost’s eyes widened slightly, catching the rare glimpse into my past. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.”
“At least tell me why you’re leaving.”
Ghost winced, shoulders hunching slightly. “I’m not… I don’t want to be a pirate. I don’t want to kill people. And I don’t want Viper to kill me. I need to get to Asteris, find some place nice for Kayla and Cody.”
Of course. He had people waiting for him. People who mattered. Things I’d given up long ago.
I leaned back against the railing, trying to appear casual despite the storm raging inside me. “But your only other options are to stay in Duskwater or join another pirate ship.”
“Yes, I know that,” he said, a hint of frustration creeping into his voice. “But at least I’ll be away from Viper. Every night since Willy was whipped, I go to sleep dreaming that it’ll be me next. Me making those horrible sounds of pain.”
If he lays a single finger on you, I’ll slit his throat.Oh, how I wanted so desperately to voice the thought aloud to Ghost, to tell him just how little I cared about our dear captain. To tell him how much I cared about him.
“So I thought I could find a nicer captain. Maybe one that will let me just clean rather than force me to join in with the raids.”
The wind whistled through the crow’s nest, filling the silence between us. I almost laughed at the naivety of it all. A nicer captain. As if such a thing existed in these skies.
