He’d compared me to Eric, and the thought that I could ever hurt him the same way made ice form in my heart.
My chest constricted with the rise of panic.
Max said he didn’t hate me, but I didn’t believe him. And to make matters worse, all those people died because of me.
We’d lost members of our crew. Because. Of. Me.
Once everyone found out what I did, they’d want to throw me overboard, and I… I’d definitely let them.
It wasn’t like Max and I had any kind of future, anyway, so what the hellfire did I have to lose?
My sister and nephew would miss me, but Kayla would find a way to take care of herself and Cody without me. Plus, if I was hooked up to a machine draining my magic, I couldn’t help them anyway.
So if the choice came down to jumping or being a lifeless energy source, I was choosing the sand pancake option.
I grimaced at the mental image, and my belly cramped. I wasn’t sure I could truly follow through with that, especially when I knew how badly it’d hurt Max—no matter how angry he was at me, I knew he’d be upset if he lost another crewmember.
The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him again, and I really, truly didn’t want to leave him—ever.
Not through disembarking and never returning, and certainly not through the more permanent option.
I cringed again when I saw the tense set of Max’s shoulders in front of me as we climbed the final ladder to the main deck. I’d given him something else to worry about, and when he turned around and said, “Don’t leave my side.Please,” I knew he was thinking about what I’d said.
I searched his gaze for a few seconds, then quietly said, “I won’t do anything stupid, Max. I promise.”
He nodded after a few tense seconds, but before he could respond, Ariella and Willy moved up beside us, and Ariella asked, “What’s going on? How are we in the air right now?”
Max opened his mouth to answer, looking extremely uncomfortable, and I decided I didn’t want to make him lie for me, especially not to his only real friend on the ship. It wasn’t like I was going to be able to hide this any longer, anyway. So I said, “I’m a fluxweaver.”
Willy’s eyes widened for a beat, and then he grinned. “That’s badass.”
I… wasn’t sure how to take that.
Ariella’s eyebrows rose so high, they disappeared in her hairline. “Are you serious?”
“Yep.” I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “I should’ve charged them sooner. I… how many did we lose? I could’ve saved—”
She cut me off by grabbing my wrist and yanking me to the side, her eyes wide as she glanced around. The group of usmoved into a little alcove under the quarterdeck stairs, hidden from view. Ariella checked that no one was within hearing distance before she spoke.
“No, Ghost. No, this isn’t your fault. It wasn’t up to you to ensure we had enough power to make it through the desert in the first place. Viper’s experienced enough to know that nothing ever goes to plan out here. There’re always storms and monsters and ship battles and whatever else that throw us off course and make the journey take far longer than it should. It wasn’t your responsibility. Do not carry those deaths on your shoulders.”
“But I could’ve charged them before we stopped. I could’ve—”
“No.” She squeezed my wrist. “It was too risky, and you had no idea how bad it would get so quickly down there. It’s not your fault.”
Willy added, “She’s right, you know. Everyone knows how dangerous it is for”—he lowered his voice to a whisper—“fluxweavers, especially in Sunada. I’ve heard that fluxweavers become the living dead. Everyone fears it’ll happen to them or a family member, everyone. That isn’t a fate any of us would wish on anyone, let alone our friend. You couldn’t tell anyone. Especially with the captain.”
They were being so generous with me, even after I’d lied to them for so long, that tears pricked my eyes. I sniffled and wiped my eyes with my shoulder, staring at these two amazing people who’d become like family to me in such a short time. Relief bloomed in my heart. They didn’t hate me. They weren’t even mad at me. More tears built, but I rubbed my eyes to stop them from falling, then I stared at my friends.
“I… thank you.”
Ariella waved me off as if what they’d both just given me wasn’t the biggest gift I’d ever received. But it was. She had to know how much their acceptance meant.
She glanced around, checking for any eavesdroppers. “Does Viper know?”
I nodded. “Unfortunately.”
She grimaced. “That’s exactly why you couldn’t tell anyone before.” She looked at Max. “What’re we gonna do? He’s gonna hook Ghost up like a machine for the rest of his life if we don’t stop him.”
