“Yes, well, my twelve-year-old brain thought so. I leaned forward to cup some water into my hand, but… somehow stumbled. It was quite windy, so that didn’t help. Anyway, I tumbled straight into the freezing cold river. I panicked and splashed around, of course, but not loud enough for my mum to wake up. The current wasn’t that strong, but the river was so deep I couldn’t stand.”
“And you didn’t know how to swim before this?” Julien said, clearly trying to keep his voice neutral.
“Do you know how expensive lessons are?” Cinn did. He’d saved up all his tiny scraps of pocket money to try to pay for them. Unsuccessfully, because his piggy bank was routinely raided. “We needed all our money to buy things like clothes and food.”And wine. And vodka.
“Fair enough,” Julien said, but the judgement was plainly written all over his face.
“Anyway, I ended up sinking under, even though I was kicking like mad, and in my panic I started to swallow water, then choke on it.”
Would he ever forget that horrible sensation? Theburningin his lungs, theterrorgripping his heart.
“Then I must have passed out. Next thing I knew, I was on my back on the riverbank, and this random man was giving me mouth-to-mouth. I think I threw up on him.”
“And your mother?”
“She was awake by that point. She was standing behind the man, crying.”
“I bet she was,” Julien said bitterly, then pursed his lips.
“Remember, you promised.”
“That wasn’t an overreaction. That was anunderreaction, if anything.”
Cinn sighed. “She wasn’t a saint, but she wasn’t altogether a bad mother.” He could see Julien was about to disagree, so he jumped back in. “I never found out if I had actuallydiedthat day, but what Noir said earlier makes me think that I might have. Or was very close to dying, at least.”
Julien let out a breath. “Cinn, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise what that story entailed.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll drown on a holiday to the Bahamas next time, while swimming with dolphins.”
“That’snotwhat I meant!” An angry flush appeared on Julien’s cheeks. “I just meant, I feel terrible for you having to go through all that. It sounds awful.”
Cinn stared at Julien. “You realise this story is just the tip of the iceberg, right? The geezer who saved me reported my mum to child services. They already had tabs on her from my school, so that was the last straw. I was placed into foster care five months later. My childhood, hell, most of my adult life even, was pretty fucking traumatic. You know I ended up in jail, right?”
The lack of surprise in Julien’s eyes didn’t shock him. He’d predicted Eleanor had given Julien the full rundown on the English hooligan hewas charged to babysit. “Oui,” Julien said. “I can only imagine how difficult that was.”
Yeah,imagine. The privileged princeling would never be able to empathise with Cinn’s lifelong battle against poverty. A very good reason to stay the fuck away from his dangerous dimples and his even more dangerous dick.
“But I want to hear more about it,” Julien quietly continued. “Your life, I mean. So I can properly understand.” His grey eyes had gone soft and sincere, rendering Cinn powerless against them.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to bite your head off.”
Julien laughed. “I always find that phrase so ridiculous.”
Cinn joined in, finding a cathartic release of tension within the laughter.
“Thank you for trusting me with all of that,” Julien carefully said, in the quietest of voices. “That means a lot to me.”
Julien’s eyes bore into his until the electric charge between them returned, so Cinn rolled over to face the ceiling again, hearing Julien do the same, but with a tiny chuckle.
“Just so you know, I’m trying really hard not to climb up there with you right now,” Julien whispered.
Cinn closed his eyes.Now I’m trying really hard not to beg you to do just that.
And now Julien had said that, his mind was overrun with images.
Julien’s naked body, accentuated by the firelight, crawling on top of him.
That predatory dimpled smile he’d use, the one that would make Cinn melt.
