“I need to speak to you.” Habib walked off towards the allotment.
Noah picked up his rucksack and trailed after him, walking in silence for a few minutes, until they reached Habib’s destination behind the shed.
For a short time, the pair of them stood staring each other down. Habib’s face glowed in the small patch of light the lamp attached to the shed offered. Noah waited for Habib to begin, mentally preparing to rehash the prior conversations they’d had since Leonie Voigt spoke to them.
“Right. No bullshit. What’s going on with you and the puppy?”
Fuck. Frankie was one thing, Habib on the other hand, was another.
“What?” He blinked at him, attempting a bewildered expression.
Habib threw him an accusatory, irritated look. “Don’t even try it. For a start, he keeps looking at you with love heart eyes every time he thinks nobody’s watching.”
“He does not!”
“So, I suppose he’s got some other secret lover that gave him the scratches all over his back?”
Noah’s face burned hotter than the fiery pits of hell. The fiery pits of hell he wished would come and swallow him whole.
“I’m not fucking stupid. Obviously, I was going to notice he’s never in our room when we go to bed. I just don’t understand, Noah.” Habib paused, clawing his hand through his hair. He scowled at him with such ferocity, Noah felt physically chilled. “You gave Splat and Meredith that entire speech about why inter-squad relationships are inappropriate, and now you—thecommanding officer—are messing around with some—”
“Don’t insult him, please. He doesn’t deserve that.”
“I’m sure you won’t mind defending his honour.”
He’d already had enough. Noah raised his hand. “Listen. We’re not ‘messing around’. And you don’t need to tell me how hypocritical this is.” Noah’s voice broke, and he took an unsteady breath to compose himself. “I berate myself for it every second of every day.”
“Then get him transferred to a different squad.”
Words tumbled around Noah’s mind, but he failed to string them into coherent thoughts.
“I don’t trust anyone else to protect him like we will,” Noah eventually said, in a small, yet determined, voice. This was his call, and Habib was going to have to accept it.
Habib raised his eyebrows, his gaze penetrating into Noah’s. “If he needs that much protecting, then he’s a risk to us, anyway.”
“Look, I’ve already been to Murphy and asked her to move him out of direct combat and it was a flat-out no. There’s nothing else I can do. Besides, he is improving day by day. You can’t deny that.” Noah sighed, running his hands through his hair. “Are you going to tell the others about us?” he asked, and braced for Habib’s response.
Habib made a frustrated sound. “No. But I’m not happy.”
“I can see that,” Noah snapped. “Don’t worry, I’m not happy with myself either.”
Habib’s face morphed, his eyes crinkling in concern. “Hey,” he said, his voice far softer now. “Come here.”
When Noah remained frozen in place, Habib crossed the small distance between them in two strides and threw his arms around him, squeezing him tight. Noah weakly returned the hug.
“A part of me is happy you finally found someone again, Noah. Really, it is. But this is a lot to take in. We rely on our COs to model the rules we all have to follow. To be objective in the field. What happens if you start to play favourites? Plus, I already watched you be completely destroyed by Khyan’s death. There’s a massive risk that Zeke could die any given day. I love you, but I don’t trust you not to completely lose it if that happens.”
Noah nodded against him. “I give you full permission to hold me to account. I can only give you my word that you don’t need to worry. My loyalty to our squad will always come first,” he said, believing the honesty behind his words.
Habib pulled back, nodded. “I believe you. Just… be careful, okay? And think about how you’re going to break this to Meredith. Because you can’t hide this forever.” He punched Noah’s arm before walking off back to the fire.
Anxiety bubbled and boiled within Noah, threatening to pull him under. He sank against the cold metal of the shed. His fractured brain didn’t know where to begin to untangle his growing list of problems. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his latest whittling project, shaving slivers off what would be a raven’s wing in the dim light of the lamp. He’d been at it for a few minutes when he heard footsteps.
Zeke’s body slid down next to him. “What was that all about? Or do I not want to know?”
Noah groaned. “Habib knows about us. He’s not going to tell the others, but he was sharing his… concerns.”
“Shit. I think Frankie suspects as well after she saw us in the corridor earlier. I tried to fob her off, but…”
