Something was wrong.
“Are you… okay, Noah?” Zeke called out to Noah’s back.
“I’m fine.”
Okay… Are we really not going to talk about this?
Noah didn’t say anything else on the return walk, leaving him to trail unhappily behind him. Did Noah want to pretend that it all never happened? Would they just carry on as normal? What if Noah regretted it so much, he never spoke to him outside of their shifts ever again? Zeke’s thoughts quickly drifted to the five people who’d died today, imagining their faces, imagining what their squads were going through right that moment. His problems certainly paled in comparison.
By the time they’d reached their vehicle, Zeke had prepared a short speech to deliver, which let Noah off of whatever hook he clearly felt he was on.We just got carried away,he would say.I won’t say anything to anyone. Please just talk to me again.But after they silently slid into the car seats, Noah didn’t start the engine. Zeke glanced over to find him gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles had turned white. Noah stared out of the windscreen, straight ahead.
“Noah?”
He was almost imperceptibly trembling.
After an eternity, Noah reached over him and opened the passenger-side door, pushing it ajar.
“If you follow the signs, you can be back in the city in under two hours.”
“What? Why would I want to walk back to the city by myself?”
Noah didn’t reply, only continued to stare ahead of them.
“Oh…” Zeke said, as he processed what Noah was suggesting. “Well, that’s a stupid idea.” His brain whirling, he crossed his arms and scowled over at Noah. “Where would I even hide? Wouldn’t you get into loads of trouble? Weren’t you the one just telling me not to give up, that I’m not a complete waste of space on your squad?”Weren’t you just kissing me?
Zeke slammed both fists on the dashboard, and Noah flinched. “Jesus Christ! What the hell, Noah?”
“I don’t want you to die,” Noah whispered.
The intensity of his words wrapped a fist around his heart, squeezed it tight. “I won’t die. You’ll protect me. You and the others.” Cold air leaked in through the open door. Zeke slammed it shut.
“Just go, Zeke, please.” Noah was almost begging now. His chin trembled and his dark complexion had paled.
“Christ, Noah, I’m not deserting the military. I didn’t work this hard for nothing. Most likely just to be caught and punished,” Zeke replied through gritted teeth.
Noah turned towards him, a frantic look in his gaze. “I have some connections who might be able to help hide you. They’ll be able to take your chip out.”
Zeke let loose a strangled sound and pressed his palms into his forehead. Why was Noah doing this? Especially now? He paused to consider his offer. He tried to imagine himself living a surreptitious, underground life in the city. Zaya sneaking food into some basement he holed up in. Every day spent twitching at the slightest noise. Not seeing the sun. Every image was devoid of colour, of meaning.
His mind drifted back to the pattern of his old life. His routine of going to the lab each day, then returning to his lonely flat every evening. It now seemed remarkably dull. Why was that? Did he really need to be running around shooting monsters—not that he was even capable of that, clearly—for his life to have a purpose? Yet life without Noah, Frankie, and even the others, now felt rather quiet. Rather pointless. But at least he’d be alive…
“There might not even be that much time left,” Noah added.
“Huh?” He stared at Noah. What the fuck didthatcryptic comment mean?
Noah gave a small shake of his head.
“What do you mean, ‘there might not even be that much time left?’ You can’t just throw that out there and expect me not to freak out!”
Noah ran his hands through his hair with considerable force, then made a frustrated sound. “I’m sorry,” he said, in a ghost of a voice. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
One of Noah’s hands dropped its steel grip on the steering wheel. It clutched the other one, fingernails digging in hard, forming four half-moon indents on his flesh. He’d draw blood if he didn’t stop. Zeke knocked his hand away, towards Noah’s chest. “What are you doing? You’re going to hurt yourself.” He stared at Noah.
“Everything already hurts.”
Zeke, out of his depth, shook his head. He clicked his seatbelt in.
“Drive us back,” he said.
