Promising himself that he’d somehow make it up to Noah, he headed straight to the field. With every step, he battled the anxiety coursing through him in anticipation of his squad’s reaction to his reappearance. When he slipped through the gate, Noah was facing away from him, staring at Meredith and Splat, some way apart from the group, training together on the high bars. Splat had clearly said something hilarious—Meredith’s body was shaking with laughter. Splat reached over and pulled her patterned headband back into place.
Frankie noticed Zeke first, running to him and scooping him up into a massive bear hug, informing him that the captain ordered that they complete extra training days before their live capture mission.
He waved over to Noah, nervous, hesitant. But Noah grinned, calling everyone to him to form a circle. Everyone smiled warmly at Zeke, as if nothing had ever happened. Was that also Noah’s doing?
“What’s on the agenda for the rest of the day, Noah?” asked Vitt, huddling her coat close to her chest despite the warm sun.
“Aoife, Meredith and I are going over to the shooting range for an hour with Zeke and Frankie. Then I’m sending them to Habib and Luo for physical combat drills. Splat, you can have some time with Benefici in the armoury making sure you have everything you need.” Splat saluted Noah. “When you’re not needed, review the local area maps of where we’re headed on our live capture. Mark out potential places for the traps.”
The plan of action ignited the team with purpose and Squad E marched off in their separate directions. Zeke trailed far behind the others on the way to the shooting range. No amount of extra practice in the world was going to turn him into a soldier, no matter how much he wanted to succeed.
When they arrived, the women headed straight for the moving targets, leaving him alone with Noah. The leaves on the floor became very interesting to look at.
“We need to talk about what happened yesterday,” Noah said. “I mean, out on the field, with Frankie,” he added.
Was this going to be more or less painful than talking about them cuddling in the hospital bed? Had Noah just conveniently forgotten that part?
“There’s nothing to say. Obviously, I messed up.”
“You didn’t mess up, Zeke, you just… froze.”
He almost explained that he’d had some sort of PTSD flashback from that last day in Rye, but stopped himself. He didn’t want to give Noah excuses, he just wanted to do better. “I think freezing when your friend is being dragged off by two hungry typeBs is a perfect description of messing up.” Zeke turned away from Noah, kicking the muddy floor with the toe of his boot.
“Stop being so hard on yourself. You had a human reaction in the face of danger. That’s completely normal, and completely okay.”
Zeke shut his eyes. He didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want any forgiveness, he just wanted to forget about it and move on.
“Zeke?”
Forcing his eyes back open, he found Noah had moved closer. Very close. His warm breath tickled his nose.
“Promise me you’ll stop beating yourself up about this.”
He nodded.
He was quickly learning he’d most likely do anything for Noah.
nineteen
Zeke
“Zeke!”
Zeke’s eyes cracked open before slamming shut again. Surely it wasn’t six a.m. already? He rolled over onto his side to Habib’s grumbling snores assaulting his ears.
“Zeke!”
He blinked twice. That was Noah’s voice. Sharp lines slowly formed in the darkness to reveal the outline of his face.
“What’s going on?” he hissed at him, matching his low volume.
“Sorry. I was going to tell you last night but I only got the confirmation from Command approving the swap past midnight.” He paused. “Do you still want to go see Zaya in the city today? Happy birthday, by the way.”
Zeke, semi-delirious, fumbled for words. Was today his birthday? How did he forget that? “Uh… sure?”
“Get ready and meet me outside.”
Making as little sound as possible, he slipped into his casual wear, his coat tight around him. The garment had brought him immense comfort over the last few days. It helped that it still smelt of Noah: of bonfires and woody earth.
