“Not uncomfortable in the sense you mean. More like uncomfortable with myself and the pattern I seem to be creating.”
“Care to share with the class?” he asks, mimicking my text message from Wednesday. He’s trying to keep his tone light, but I hear the panic in it.
Which is why I thought this could be different. There’s something between us that neither of us saw coming, neither of us can deny, and neither of us can explain. It was there that first night we met, and it continues to grow like a cancer, feeding off the worst parts of ourselves—his denial, my obsession, and both of our insecurities.
Chapter 23
Knox
Taylor leans forward, planting his elbows on his knees as he sighs deeply.
“Why do you want me to stay in your room and not the guest room I stayed in last night?” he asks.
My answer is immediate because we’ve already been over this. “Because it has the bigger bed.”
“So, you can keep an eye on me without having to touch me?” he clarifies.
My brows knit together.
“No. So that when Ispoonyou, I’m not trying to keep you from falling off the bed at the same time. Last night, my options were either sleep with my back against the literal wall or practically push you onto the floor, and while I managed to sleep quite deeply, I thought having a little more space might make it even better,” I explain.
“Oh,” he whispers. But then he rallies like he’s looking for any reason not to stay here again and asks, “Well, I heard you tell Hudson that I’m only in here because it’s connected to the bathroom. You told him you were sleeping down the hall.” Taylor breaks eye contact as he finishes his sentence. “I’ve already done the wholerelationship with a man who’s tooafraid to tell the world he’s in a relationship with me toothing. I really don’t want to do it again.”
His words make me sit up a little straighter.
“Is that what you thought I was doing? Hiding you because I’m embarrassed?”
“That’s what it sounded like.”
“Taylor, look at me,” I command. “I’m forty-five years old. I was married to a woman for twenty of those years. I never gave a single thought to gay men until my friends came out. And I sure as fuck never thought about messing around with one until you and I met that night at the bar. I didn’t tell Hudson I plan on sharing this bed with you because my friends are nosy fuckers who won’t give me a minute’s peace as soon as they find out we’re already sleeping together. I just wanted a little more time to settle in to what this means for me before announcing it from the rooftops…and trust me, my friends will announce it from literal rooftops. It’s a miracle they haven’t already.”
Taylor snorts a laugh like he thinks I’m kidding.
“Look, I’ve already talked to them about being attracted to you,andthey saw my reaction to your injury. They knowsomething’s up, but until I say it out loud and give it a name, they’ll respect our privacy, but once the lid is blown off this thing, be prepared to gain five more brothers and a couple of sisters whose noses will be so far up our asses their sneezes will come out of our mouths.”
Taylor groans. “I’m already maxed out on sibling drama.”
Unable to tolerate the distance anymore, I hold my hand out, beckoning him to me. “Please get back into bed.”
He stands. “Are we expecting any more visitors?”
“Not that I’m aware of,” I reply.
Instead of answering, Taylor gets completely naked and heads back toward the bathroom, once again leaving me astonished at his confidence. I mean, heshouldbe confident.He’s fucking gorgeous. I’ve just never seen someone so comfortable putting themselves on display.
All I can do is stare.
I watch as he brushes his teeth and turns on the shower before flashing me a look. “I’m overdue,” he says. This time, when helaughs, another chain around my sad, guarded heart falls off.
I follow him into the bathroom. “I’ll stand watch in case you get lightheaded.”
“How much help can you be to me out here? If you’re trying to keep me safe, you should probably get in with me.”
I know Taylor won’t need me to take care of him like this all the time, but it’s been nice having someone to dote on. Hell, just having someone else in my space has been nice. Not being alone last night, not wasting time wondering what everyone else was doing, and just being occupied with my own life, worked wonders for my mental health.
“I’ll get to you in time,” I tell him, staying rooted to my spot. “You’re not supposed to spike your heart rate, and if I get in that shower with you, we both know how it’ll end.”
Taylor opens the glass shower door, wearing anoh really?expression. “And how’s that?” he asks playfully.
