…
Why do you cry?
Jules’s chest was so tight with pain she could barely breathe.You know why, James!His words just now had filled her with relief yet also pain. She, too, did not want him to marry, but after that…what? They could not be together beyond their brief affair.
“What are you saying?” Jules needed him to be explicit. “Are you asking me to remain as your lover?”
Oh, please say yes and nothing more, she silently begged.
His head jerked back. “No.”
Jules was petrified to look at him. Her throat went tight, as too many emotions rippled through her heart.
“I know I should not ask it, but I want you as my duchess, Wildflower.”
A dark, desperate feeling swelled through her.
“James—”
“Marry me.”
Jules was so taken aback she laughed, only to abruptly sober up, dazedly aware the sound held the edge of shock. “Marryyou?”
“Yes.”
“What are you saying, James?”
“You understand me, Wildflower, marry me,” James said softly, taking a step closer to her.
“Why would you ask me this?” she whispered, feeling as if her heart would break into thousands of pieces.
“We are lovers.”
She shook her head. “That we are lovers does not warrant a proposal!”
“Do you deny that we are made for each other? Do you deny the thought that we might end does not damn well cleave you in two? Do you deny it?” he snarled, almost frightening her with his intensity.
“James…you are aduke. We do not belong to the same world.”
Something dangerous flashed in his eyes. “And it is because I am a duke I know I have the power to make us possible—”
She slapped her palm against his bare chest. “I am a womanpretendingto be a man in this world.” Jules’s chest hurt with the effort to remain unaffected. “Are you asking me to give up on my dreams of being a doctor of the mind? Of one day inheriting my father’s office?”
“I am asking you to love me as I love you.”
For a long moment she did not reply, because she couldn’t.He loves me. This was a man who did not give his emotions lightly, and when he gave them, she knew he would do so with his whole self. The pain that clenched her chest nearly took her breath. Jules loved him until her heart was breaking with it, yet what he wanted was impossible.
“I cannot marry you,” she whispered.
A dark torment flashed in his eyes before his gaze shuttered. She could already see that protective wall building as he closed himself off from the emotions that tore at him. Jules wanted to scream for she knew that once he turned away, James would exile all traces of her from his heart.
“Do you love me?” he demanded rawly.
I cannot answer you, she silently cried, understanding why he did. If she loved him…and he loved her, they could fight to be together. Jules had to make him see that loving each other was not enough. Not when everything was so complicated. “Surely you know as your wife…your duchess, I would not be able to breathe and the person you know would no longer exist, James! Would I be able to race you in Hyde Park, to laugh and talk with you as I do now in public? Would I…”
He faltered into absolute stillness.
She pressed a hand over her mouth to still the wild words bubbling inside. “My God, I cannot even imagine myself in such a role. I know nothing about feminine wiles or comportment. What do I have to recommend me to the role of a duchess? Your mother said your wife must be youranchorin society. I havenothingto offer you in that regard, James. I would not be the thing that holds you afloat but weigh you down to your detriment.”
