I couldfeelthe line of students waiting there behind me, could feel their eyes landing on the fact that my card was one of the brightyellowones instead of the usual white with TNU green print.
The yellow card was for students who were on the discounted meal program.
Only available to students who were poor enough to be eligible for it.
There were restrictions to how much I could use it, but the food was a fraction of the price. I knew I’d only used it four times this week, and there was no shot that I was up to my limit yet. But the lady kept swiping and swiping, and nothing was happening.
Something tightened in my stomach.
“Listen, bro, I’ll just pay for his lunch,” one of the guys behind me said. “Not wasting my time like this. How much could a sandwich even be?”
I heard his friends laughing under their breath at his comment.
I stamped out the growing blaze in my chest like I was trying to contain a wildfire. When I was younger, I would have snapped.
Whenever people used to try to fuck with me when I was a teenager, I didn’t have any ability to hold back.
I’d have punched him. Punched his giggling friends, too.
It always hurt the worst when it came out of nowhere.
I was able to go through most days now feeling something likenormal. I could blend in among trust fund kids. I could handle college students who had no experience with how cold the world could really be.
And then that dark snake inside me would coil around my heart all over again, gripping tight, reminding me.
Nope.
You’re not like them.
You never have been, and you never could be.
The cafeteria lady sighed, tapping a few times on her screen, shaking her head.
“I just don’t know what it’sdoing—oh. There we go. The transaction went through.”
She handed me my card and it felt like finally coming up for air after drowning.
“Thank you,” I told her.
“Halle-fuckin-lujah,” one of the guys said behind me. “Next time I’ll just bring a soup can for the guy or something.”
Just leave.
Just get out of here.
I gripped my wrapped sandwich and walked out of the cafeteria before I did something stupid.
Like turning around and killing him.
Like ripping his fucking head off.
I crossed the quad, the wind blowing across my hot skin. The wind rustled the leaves of the trees, which were just starting to get edged with gold and red. I was wearing a sweater but I almost wished I had a scarf when the wind blew.
I needed the cool air right now, though.
I found my car deep in one of the student lots and got inside, slamming the driver's side door shut.
I pulled in a slow breath.
