“Not a legal separation,” Dad says. “But we’ve agreed we would do that.”
“How long has this been going on?”
“About a year.”
Now they’ve got me running back through the past year’s events—Christmas, a vacation to see our extended family. “Even when we went to Maui?” I ask, since that’s just a regular trip wehave over the holiday, and everything seemed totally normal, but again, it reminds me that I haven’t been paying attention as they nod to confirm.
“And you didn’t want to tell meanything?”
“We wanted to be sure first,” Mom says.
“Did something happen? Or…” My stomach churns at the thought that either might have betrayed the other.
“Nothing happened,” Dad insists before I can sit with that for too long. “But your mom was expressing frustrations for some time—”
“Aster, don’t put this on me.”
Dad hangs his head as he chews his bottom lip.
“We agreed to this together,” Mom adds.
Dad nods, his face red, but he’s quiet, unusually quiet for him.
“Dad doesn’t want this, does he?” I ask, choking up.
He still won’t look at me, and I can see the tears forming in his eyes as he says, “Things don’t always work out the way you plan. You know that, champ. But I adore your mother, and she knows that.”
Mom shoots him a subtle look, and her stoic expression and the way she tilts her neck has me thinking his confession has irritated her arthritis.
“Is there something you could do?” I ask. “Like see a therapist?”
“We’ve been to couples counseling before we made this decision,” Dad reveals.
Another thing I’ve been oblivious to.
Fuck.
That numbness is quickly being replaced by all these feelings I’m not ready to handle.
Anger.
Frustration.
Guilt.
And a sense of helplessness because it’s clear they’re only telling me after the decisions have already been made.
“Are you okay?” Mom asks.
I push to my feet. “I don’t think so.” The tightness in my chest is intense, like a pinched nerve in my heart, if that were possible. I head right for the door, wanting to get the fuck away.
“Ryan!” Dad calls after me.
“Sweetie.” Mom’s voice isn’t far behind as they tail me.
“Sit down so we can answer any questions you have. We said we’d go to dinner.”
I turn around, summoning all my strength to keep control of the torrent of emotions moving through me. “Please, I need to get out of here for a bit. This was…a lot. And I love you both, but I need to think about it.” I can’t even look at them right now.
