Something shifts behind her eyes. “It’s part of life, Cade. My life. It’s—”
An ugly noise rolls out of me. “If you say it’s okay for men to deem you as below them because you don’t have a dick, I’m going to get on aplane, come home, and force you to listen to me until you understand nothing about that is okay. It’s not okay for anyone to treat you like that because you’re a woman in sports. And I better not hear you apologize for being in this space. If anyone was meant to be here, it’s you.”
Pretty lips part as she stares at me. The Wi-Fi must’ve disconnected. I roll to the opposite side of the bed in hopes the signal will get better and lie against the stack of fancy hotel pillows.
“Thank you,” she eventually whispers. “For standing up for me.”
I hold my pinky in front of the camera. “Nobody is going to treat you like you’re less than because you’re a woman. You’re a damn good agent. My agent.”
My Shay baby.
She doesn’t lift her pinky, but I get a real smile. “Sorry about the loss. You played well.”
I did play well, but something was missing tonight. I’m starting to think it has been for a while now. Baseball used to be fun. Knocking balls into the lake as Kenneth and Nan swam after them. Learning from Jimmy, my former coach and mentor. Hanging out at the batting cages with Shay for hours, swinging until our arms were limp.
Now, I’m at the mercy of coaches, staff, and fans who always expect my best.
“You look like you haven’t slept in days,” she says, snapping me out of my funk. “Was it the hotel bed?”
“No, I just didn’t sleep well last night.” I yawn. “These days, I rarely sleep well.”
In college, sleep always came so easily, especially when I knew I’d wake up beside Shay. After the draft, my nights were filled with Jon’s endless notes, watching film, and preparing, as if sleep wasn’t part of the athlete recovery regimen.
“That’s new.” As if she senses we’re close to talking about the past, she clears her throat. “Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, how are you feeling? I know being in the spotlight for something negative hasn’t happened before.” I open my mouth, but before I can answer, she holds up a hand. “And before you give me some bullshit answer that you’re fine, and I don’t need to worry, I need you to hear me, Cade. Sunshine doesn’t have to be the only thing you exude. Not being okay doesn’t make you weak or less than. It makes you human. So, I’ll ask again. How are you?”
My immediate answer was that I’m fine. For years, I’ve lied to myself and everyone else by answering that way.
But today I’m done lying to her.
“I hate being the golden boy.” I close my eyes for a moment. “I don’t want tobehim anymore, but I don’t know who I am without him.”
Then my eyes refuse to open, and I lose the battle.
“Ugh. Honesty is so damn attractive.” Shay’s laugh follows me all the way to my dreams. “Good night, Cade.”
The last thing I see and hear is her, and I know this’ll be the best sleep I’ve had in years.
Being summoned by the team manager feels like being sent to the principal’s office. Except Rio Arden is the man who chooses the line up, speaks to the front office, negotiates contracts, and makes key decisions.
I’m out of a job if I can’t keep him happy, and his cryptic text tells me he isn’t happy.
Marcus lets out a low whistle as we exit the clubhouse. “Didn’t know you had it in you, rookie. Seeing you yell at Scott was like seeing a tiger outside the zoo. Terrifying, but also fucking cool.”
Dawson laughs but shoots me a wary glance. Since checking out of the hotel this morning, he hasn’t left my side. On the plane ride home, he decided keeping an eye on me was more important than emptying his very small bladder.
“What did Shay say?” he asks.
A lot, and my chest tightens. I don’t care that I admitted I hate being the golden boy because it’s time I told her the truth. All that matters is that dozens of articles about Shay came out this morning, and I read them all. No wonder she thinks it’s normal for people—men—to talk so callously about her as an agent. They were practically think pieces about her physical attributes, completely ignoring the hard work she has put into her career.
“She spoke with Rio this morning, which I guess is why he wants to talk.” I stop in front of the coaches’ area. “You guys didn’t have to walk me here. I’ll be fine.”
A look passes between them before Dawson takes the lead. “Rio never takes meetings after we get back. The guy is obsessed with his wife and runs home to her after trips.”
Marcus nods. “Him calling you in is a big deal.”
I swallow hard. “Like getting demoted big deal?”
For the last month, I’ve worked my ass off to keep my spot in the majors. Studying Jon’s notes in every free moment. Staying up all night to prepare for upcoming games. Smiling as if everything is golden in my world.
