Not trying to figure out where I went wrong.
And twelve hours later, I’m at the company picnic, where I need to wear my best face and act as if I didn’t lose the client I poured my heart and soul into over the last three months.
I knew there was a chance I wouldn’t land Garrett Blane, but things had felt so promising—golfing, regular check-ins, and answering every question he threw my way. Maybe it was naïveto be so hopeful. He’s not the first client I’ve lost, but somehow, this one cuts deeper.
The fact that he signed with Jon Sweeney was icing on the shit cake. If the world knew what he did to Cade, nobody would ever work with him again.
A cold mist snaps me out of my thoughts.
When I turn around, Cade’s hazels are sorrowful, apologizing for more than surprising me with a blast of sunscreen. He hasn’t stopped apologizing since leaving me with the girls last night.
I pull myself a little taller. “Make sure you give my shoulders extra love. Too many Black people assume we don’t need it, but we can get skin cancer too.”
A real smile breaks through when he laughs, and I turn my gaze to Permian’s building across the street. This is my second company BBQ, but the first one couldn’t have been more different. Last year, I came alone, too ashamed to ask one of the girls to join me, and spent five hours on the edge of the crowd, watching everyone else have fun.
This time, I’m anything but alone. Cade hasn’t left my side for more than thirty seconds. I had to beg him to leave to get me a hot dog.
I take a deep breath and let him sun-proof the rest of my body, but my thoughts snag on the words everyone has been telling me. That losing Garrett Blane isn’t the end. That it’s a detour. That all my hard work will lead to something better down the road.
I want to believe them. I really do. But I’m struggling.
A hand to my shoulder stops my anxious sway. “You okay?”
“I’m great,” I lie automatically. Then I remember the promises we made about doing this right and being honest. Even when it stings. “No, I’m not,” I admit. “I’m sad, nervous, and need the promotion.”
Something eases in his expression at my honesty. “I know, baby. Thank you for telling me.” Sitting in front of me, he grips my waist like an anchor. “That promotion is yours. No one’s more qualified than you. Nobody compares to you.”
It’s exactly what I need to hear, but before I can respond, Andy and Henrietta bound over like golden retrievers who heard the worldwalk.
“Stop sitting around, you two! It’s time to have some fun!” Andy grins, but it’s stretched wider than normal. Everyone’s treating me like I’m made of glass today.
That faint flicker of pity in Henrietta’s eyes tells me she knows about Garrett too. “Ignore him. He’s just excited.” She takes his hand. “Hewants to ask if you guys want to warm up for the cornhole tournament with us. I need to practice if we’re going to make it past the first round.”
After promising them I’ll be over soon and convincing Cade that I just need a moment alone, they leave me in the shade.
I’ve come to the conclusion it’s not my pride that’s hurt. It’s my heart. I gave Garrett everything I had. The phone calls and middle-of-the-night texts, meeting his fiancée, and even learning how to golf. Everything I did was preparing me to be the best agent for him, and he went with Jon motherfucking Sweeney.
Loss is part of the job. I signed up for hard times, long nights, exhausting days, constant noes, never-ending travel, and sexist and misogynistic comments—okay, maybe I didn’t sign up for that those—but Ireallywanted this client.
Then Mallory’s voice echoes in my head, repeating her favorite line.
“Kick them in the dick and keep your head held high.”
That seems to do the trick, and I find myself counting down.
Ten. Nine. Eight.
Garrett not signing with me isn’t the worst thing in the world.
Seven. Six. Five.
It doesn’t mean I won’t have a successful career here. They haven’t even announced the promotion yet.
Four. Three. Two.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
One.
