Shay chews on her bottom lip. “I’m sorry I didn’t see it. And I should have always made you feel safe with me.”
“You were always safe, baby.” My voice breaks on the promise. “I didn’t know how to believe it at that point. If you couldn’t tell, I was an expert at hiding things.”
That stupid yet truthful joke seems to do the trick when she laughs. As she gathers our notes, I prepare for the next prompt.
“Four things that we should have said or done,” I say.
Within seconds, four sticky notes sit in front of me with my failures.
I should have come home
I should have told you I wasn’t okay the moment I realized you were the one for me, which was way before I left
I should have let you see all of me
I should have trusted you. You never gave me a reason not to
Instead of flipping her notes over, Shay reaches out and takes my hand. Each lingering kiss to my knuckles soothes the burn from the four lines I just wrote.
“This is hard,” she chokes out. “Incredibly hard, but I’m happy to do this with you, Cade. It’ll only make us better for each other. I’m right here with you, okay?”
Rubbing my finger over her CLU ring, I nod. “Right here with you.”
There’s a brief moment where I hoped this round would be lighter than the first one, but tears sting my eyes as I focus on what she wrote.
I should have paid more attention. The signs were there
I should have stopped worrying about my fears of being hurt by you and realized you were hurting
I should have made it clear you never had to be anything but Cade
I should have fought harder for us instead of pretending I was okay and trying to forget
“I hated pretending I was okay.” A tremor cracks her voice. “Everything about losing you sucked, and not knowing what happened between us hurt. But knowing that you were struggling that entire time and I had no idea? I should have been there.”
God. My resolve shatters as I take both her hands in mine.
“I pushed you away, Shay baby. I wasn’t thinking of us when I did that. I made myself think I was doing it to make your life easier, but I was too scared to tell you the truth. To let you see the parts I felt I had to keep hidden away. And I’m so sorry.”
She shakes out of my grip, and I almost panic until she caresses my face with a featherlight touch. “I’ve known how sorry you are for months now, and I forgave you right then and there at the batting cages. Duringthe silence, I could’ve made effort to get answers too. It’s not just on you.” Shay lets out a little laugh. “It’s crazy how simple everything could’ve been if we talked to each other.”
“Yeah, but I like the people we are now. We communicate better. There’s trust in the messy and awkward moments. Not two people performing for each other.” I cover her hands with mine. “We weren’t ready then, but we are now. Which leads me to our last prompt for the night. What we’re going to do right this time,” I say. “Our second chance.”
Steady is the only way to describe Shay at this moment. The look in her eyes, the way her hand glides across the pink pieces of paper, and the way she settles me in this moment. And it leaks into me as I fill out mine.
Tell you when I’m struggling
Always tell you the truth. The good. The bad. The ugly
Fight for you. Even if my brain wants to run and hide
Stay. Always stay with you
The moments are finished, we swap, and her promises feel like air in my lungs. And based on the sharp inhale from her, I think the feeling is mutual.
Fight for you. Even if it means putting my heart on the line
Telling you that I want you. Just you. Always
