The file in my hand falls, landing on my foot. “What?”
“Just indulge me for a moment.” He’s on his feet before I can say no, rounding the desk and dropping onto his knees in front of me. “Answer one question for me.”
I stare down at him. “Okay?”
“Are you happy with your life?”
The question slaps me across the face. “What do you mean?”
“I’m asking if you’re happy, Shay. Do you feel fulfilled?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” My voice goes thin at the answer I’ve repeated so many times in my head. “I’m on track to have everything I want in my career.”
He chuckles. “That’s not what I’m asking you. Do you wake up in the morning and feel like your life couldn’t get any better? Do you feel like you’re living the life you want? Do you feel like there’s anything missing?”
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath. Achievement is what has driven me through my entire life. Happiness was fleeting, but success was forever. I assumed I’d be happy with success.
Until now.
My system has always worked. I followed the rules, studied hard, and fought for a great position at Permian. I keep things moving. I keep things sharp. I keep things successful. It’s kind of my thing.
But as I debate his question, the machine in my head kicks on, and the list begins to form. Every win I’ve accomplished flashes before my eyes. From this angle, the success looks more like armor rather than joy as I face the endless battle.
None of it sounds like happiness. It sounds like running.
Then I think about Cade and the way his voice softens when he calls me Agent Shay, even though he wants to say Shay baby. About how honored I felt when dropped his impenetrable shield and confided in me for the first time. About the way he held on to me in that tiny training room after being hit by a baseball. About how this whole terrifying, beautiful partnership has split something open in me that I can’t tape shut anymore.
“I don’t know if I am,” I whisper. The words taste raw in my mouth. “I honestly thought happiness was what I’ve been chasing through career achievements this whole time.”
Suddenly, the truth claws up through my ribs, too big to hold anymore. I’ve known it since the moment he let me in.
“But I know this.” My voice breaks. “I’ve been happier in the last three months than I’ve been in years. Pretty much since the day you walked into Permian.”
There. It’s out. Shaky and unvarnished, but real.
“Then let’s start there.” The chair screeches as he drags it across the floor and presses his chest against my knee. “Tell me about the last three months. Every single part that made you happy.”
I’m hit with a wave of memories.
“I’ve spent more time with the girls in the last three months than I have in over a year.” Cade’s smile encourages me to continue. “I was so closeto skipping my graduation party because Trevor gave me a mountain of work, but I’m so glad I went. Jo taught me how to golf, and I’m going to miss her so much when she leaves for med school. Adri went to a baseball game with me and made sure I kept my head up the entire time. Mallory’s my literal soulmate, always picking up every phone call, no matter what time.”
“You have great friends,” he says, squeezing my knee. “What else?”
“I made a friend at work. My first one ever.”
Cade’s eyes sparkle. “I’ve only talked to Andy a few times, but knowing you have someone at work who has your back makes me feel better.” His throat bobs as he leans in closer. “Anything else?”
If I’m going to do this, I have to put it all out there right now.
“We fixed things.” I pause. “For so long, I tried to push you away, but I can’t keep pretending that you don’t make me happy. I think we deserve another chance.”
With eyes full of desperate hope, his hands find mine. “What does that mean, Agent Shay?”
“That I don’t want to be your agent anymore. I want to be yours.”
Delicate kisses are pressed to my knuckles. “You trust me?”
“With every piece of me.”
