My heart seizes. “Eddie. It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me—”
“But I want to tell you.” Each word is said with such force that I shut up and nod for her to continue.
“Sometimes I want to blame my mom, even now that we’re finally moving past everything. Let her be the person I’m angry at instead of myself for a change. But I never will be able to. I know she left me alone, but we were both drowning at that point. Our grief just consumed us in different ways. As much as I wanted to hide, I knew that would only make her life more difficult than it already was. Mama needed to grieve, and I needed to be perfect so she could.”
She looks down at her hands, the feeling of guilt weighing heavily around her. “I took control at sixteen and haven’t learned how to let go of it.”
Suddenly everything clicks into place. The way she takes care of everyone around her. It’s something that makes her such a great friend, daughter, and captain. She puts everyone before herself, like the caring, selfless woman she is.
Even when it means she has to hurt.
Mallory gasps, and the sound shatters my heart. I do the only thing I can think of and press my forehead to hers.
During finals sophomore year, I watched Shay slam their heads together while studying at the library. I expected a painful yelp, but relief bloomed in Mallory’s features when she looked up at Shay.
“Eddie, I need you to breathe for me.”
She nods twice in quick succession, giving me ten breaths before opening her eyes.
Her hand moves to my face, rubbing gingerly beneath my eye.
“Shay does that for me when I feel like I can’t breathe, so thank you.” She pulls away and looks at the door. “Did you know that Shay wanted nothing to do with me when we first met?”
I chuckle at the change of topic. “No way.”
“Yup. We were assigned as roommates during early freshman soccer training, and I tried everything to make our roommate situation turn into a friendship. I invited her to dinner, bought us movie tickets, planned trips to the bookstore, but she turned me down every time. That went on for three months. She made it very clear that we were roommates, teammates, and nothing more.”
“So, what changed?”
“It was my dad’s remembrance day. One minute I was tying my shoes so I could head to class, and the next I was hyperventilating. I didn’t even know she was still in the dorm. She heard me from her room, ran over, and smashed our foreheads together. She said the pain would distract my brain, which it did. Then she swore I’d never be alone again.” Mallory’s smile is small, but her joy is palpable. “Thanks for doing that for me.”
“I’ll always be here for you, Ed. Ready for bed?”
“Yeah,” she mumbles. “Will you stay with me?”
I poke my thumb toward the living room. “Won’t Shay be upset if she wakes up and I’m in her spot? I’d rather not get mauled.”
“She won’t wake up anytime soon, and just in case she does, I tied a bell around her wrist.”
Tapping her temple, I crawl beneath the sheets beside her. “You’re a genius.”
I outstretch an arm, and she curls into my side. Her feet are like ice as she pushes her legs between mine. She wraps a hand around the back of my neck, brushing my hair in slow strokes.
“Comfortable?” I ask.
“Very.” Her eyelashes flutter against my jawline. “I’m starting to think you like saving me. You just keep showing up when I need you.”
I look down at the woman in my arms, swallowed by my hoodie and more vulnerable than I’ve ever seen her.
I have no clue how to tell her that even though I preach nothing is perfect, thatsheis perfect to me. I have no clue how to make her believe just because her shithead of an ex made her feel like a burden, it doesn’t mean I’ll ever feel that way. I have no clue how to tell her she’s the strongest, best person I know.
I’ll show her with my actions.
“You’ve never needed saving, Eddie.” I press my lips against her forehead. “But I do likeyou.”
She swats my chest. “Wow. You almost sounded serious for a second.”
I shake my head, fixing my eyes on the ceiling fan. “There’s nothing in this world I’m more serious about than you.”
