“How could you?” she seethes, slamming the door in my face.
I have no clue, Shay.
Chapter Sixteen
Sharp pain stabs mytemples. Actually, my whole head feels like it’s being blended up for a brain smoothie.
I reach for the cup of water on my nightstand and finish it in seconds, cool water dribbling down my chin. Two empty applesauce packets lie crumpled beside me, and a large grape juice stain bleeds through my pale purple comforter.
Low blood sugar is the scariest thing I’ve ever felt. It’s an out-of-body experience. While the world seemingly moves around me normally, I’m stuck in slow-motion. It felt as if the sidewalk had turned to quicksand, my feet sinking deeper into the concrete with every step. Beads of sweat gathered above my lip as I ran, ignoring the honking cars and stop signs that stood between me and the house.
Running wasn’t my best idea ever, but I had to get home. I need my insulin to be with me at all times. It literally keeps me alive.
I smack myself in the head three times. On the fourth, I remember Claude’s, and a sharp pain of dejection stabs at my heart when the memories of Kenneth appear. The way his eyes clouded, nearly unrecognizable as they shifted into something that looked so much like hatredwhen he looked at me.
He’s never been upset with me like that. The words he said may have been directed at me, but they were loaded enough to make me assume I’m not the only person he can’t stand.
Couldn’t he see the fear in my eyes? Hear the terror in my voice?
Still, I’m the one who forgot my insulin. That’s the first time it’s ever happened. Being distracted won’t be a valid excuse when I end up in the hospital with hypoglycemia or in diabetic ketoacidosis.
Or worse.
My brain feels like it’s being split in half with a meat cleaver when my head turns too quickly, catching Shay push the door open with her foot. “Good. You’re awake. I’ll text your mom,” she says, crossing the room with two pieces of toast on a plate. “I called Bex. She said to eat this.”
“Thanks.” I nibble on a corner. “What else did she say?”
Shay is visibly shaken. Lines crease her blemish-free forehead as she paces back and forth at the edge of the bed. “That it happens, and I need to not come in here and freak out when you wake up, but that’s impossible. How am Inotsupposed to freak out when I’ve spent the last two hours making sure I didn’t need to force feed you gummy worms?”
I bite my nail cuticle until it bleeds, trying to keep back my tears. I’m so tired of disappointing the people I love and being a burden to them. “I’m sorry, Shay. I’m so sorry. I know you were with Cade, and I ruined—”
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence, Mal.” She’s no longer pacing, standing right in front of me. “You didn’t ruin anything. I’m here because you are my best friend, and I love you. What happened? I was out of the door before Cade could tell me.”
I push the plate of toast aside. “I was going to drive to campus this morning and made a last-minute decision to walk. My kit was already in the car when I changed my mind, and by the time I was at Claude’s and ready to dose insulin, it was too late, and I panicked.”
Shay cradles my head into her chest, her floral perfume wrapping me with love. “I’m so glad Kenneth called Cade when he did. You were already asleep when I got home.”
“What?” I look up. “He called Cade?”
“Yeah. He was at the door when I got here. I didn’t have time to feel bad about being an asshole, but now I do. He somehow looked even worse than you do right now, and you look rough.”
I find my reflection in the mirror and grimace. My hair is flat against the back of my head. Dark circles are settled beneath my eyes. White, chapped lips rub painfully against each other.
“Thanks, bestie,” I grumble, forgiving her the moment she presses our foreheads together. We chuckle for a second before the weight of this afternoon comes crashing down again. “I don’t know how to face him now. He acted like I was insane. I asked for help, and he lost it on me. Rivals or not, it hurt.”
I thought I’d be angry that he pushed me aside after promising he would always be there for me, but that’s not the emotion I’m struggling to understand.
It’s sadness.
“I know, and Cade laid into him for it.” Shay rubs large circles on my back. “Kenneth blames himself for the whole thing. He said he didn’t even hear the word insulin at first.”
With a dismissive snort, I pull away from her. “He shouldn’t blame himself. I’m the one who screwed up. I failed today.Me, Shay. Nobody else is at fault.”
Sadly, it doesn’t make the sting of his reaction hurt any less.
“I hate when you say that,” she sighs. “You’re human. You’re bound to mess up.”
“Yeah, but it’s literally the one thing I can’t afford to mess up. I was lucky today. What happensif—”
