Ash shrugged. “Supposedly. Some sort of sibling connection I know nothing about.” Ash drummed his fingers on the arm of his chair, the rhythmic pattering loud in the quiet room. “What if you…went to see him? Instead of traveling to Brackenridge with me, I mean.”
“But who will attend to you?” Sam’s head was spinning. He couldn’t seem to get his feet under him, which didn’t make any sense, considering he was sitting on his arse. He rubbed his chest, but it had little effect on calming his racing heart.
Ash studied Sam intently. Sam didn’t like it.
“Colborn’s valet can manage the both of us.”
Ash’s gaze snagged on Sam’s hand. Sam dropped it to his lap like it was on fire. “I don’t understand what you expect to happen here. I’m just going to arrive at his front door? A servant? One, he’ll send me right back the way I came. And two, it’ll raise all sorts of questions neither of us want asked.Can’t affordto have asked.”
Ash planted his elbows on his knees and steepled his fingers. “What if I send you? We still need to collect Felicity’s trousseau. You go. Oversee the packing of it all.”
Clearly, his best mate had been thinking about this for a while. Sam shifted. Not sure if the uncomfortable fluttering in his gut was from that knowledge or the thought of seeing Felix again.
“And…” Ash started slowly. There was an immense amount of weight in that one word. Sam fisted the arms of his chair. “Perhaps you won’t need to be there for the return journey.”
Ever?Sam’s stomach dropped. No.Stop, Sam.He was being a ninny. Of course, his friend didn’t want him gone. Ash was just trying to give him an opportunity to see the man he’d been pining over for the past four months. Sam cleared his throat. “How long?”
“How long…what?”
“How long until you want me back here?”
Ash blue eyes lit up. “So, you’ll go?”
Sam let out a shaky breath, his pulse tapping erratically in his throat. “I don’t know, Ash. This is a lot to process.” But bloody hell if it wasn’t tempting. And daft. So, so daft.
And if I could do it all over again, with it ending the same way, I’d do it again.
But only if it was with you.
This was it, wasn’t it? A chance for them to have that again. Hopefully, for longer than a week, depending on how long Ash could manage without Sam. But would Felix even want that? Ithadbeen four months of complete silence on both sides. Sam might be pathetic and still fixated on the man, but there was no reason to believe Felix hadn’t forgotten about Sam.
“Oh, come on, Sam. What’s the worst thing that could happen?” Ash prodded.
Sam scoffed. “Are you addle-pated?” Ash’s lips flattened. Apparently, Sam had to spell it out. “He could say no.”
Ash leaned back in his chair and cocked a challenging brow. “I didn’t take you for a coward. So much for big ballocks.”
Sam glared at hisnotbest mate. His worst mate. “I don’t exactly have the best record with people choosing me. I haven’t been worth it before. Why would now be any different? The very people in this life who were supposed to love me, didn’t. They wouldn’t even provide me with safety, security. It is literally the bare minimum requirement of a parent.”
Ash opened his mouth, but Sam kept going. “I’ve gone a very long time not caring what others think about me, how they feel about me. I’ve had you, and you’re all that has mattered. I’ve been happy with that.Amhappy with that. I don’t—didn’t need anyone else.”
He dropped his head in his hands, rubbing his palms over his aching temples. “But Felix…”
“He matters, too,” Ash said simply.
Sam nodded. “Him refusing me? Saying no? I’ve been denied many things in life, but that? It would be the worst thing.” If Sam didn’t go, there was no possibility of rejection. His heart nestled into his chest at that safe thought.
“Or maybe,” Ash said softly. “Just maybe, Sam, it could be the best thing that ever happened to you.”
Sam’s heart perked up.Really, chum? Youwantto be destroyed?
“Which would be worse, Sam? Him denying you, or knowing you missed out on the love of your life because you were too afraid to try?”
Sam’s chin jerked in. Love of his life? That was a bit inflated.
Clearly, Ash had read Sam’s mind. “I’m not saying you’re in love with him, or he you. But the possibility is there, Sam. Don’t deny it. I know you better than anyone. Given time…”
Sam heaved out a sigh. “Fine, Your Grace, Duke of I-Know-Everything. I should carve out my heart and offer it up to him to obliterate.”
