He nodded, but her jest had no effect on bettering his mood.
“Sometimes,” he said softly, “it makes me feel obsolete. Father never said anything of the like, but sometimes… sometimes I feel as though it would have been preferable if I didn’t exist at all.”
“Rubbish. Absolute bloody rubbish. Felix, look at me.” She waited, and he eventually met her gaze. “I. Love. You.”
So bloody much. People spoke of once-in-a-lifetime love in the romantic sense, but no one ever mentioned the other types of love out there. Like the unique bond she had with Felix that she would never have with anyone else, not even her other brother.
“I don’t know what I would do without you, Fifi. Fitzy cannot replace you.” She prayed he could hear the sincerity in her words. But his gaze was back on his plate. She took a swig of her wine and traced the rim, studying her troubled brother.
“Fifi,” she said softly. “This family needs you. There is no one better suited to lead the Jennings. The way you dealt with Miss Browning with Fitzy, and even coming to my aid here, regardless of if it has been a bit of a hindrance… You are our protector. Do you know how happy that would have made Papa if he were still alive? To see you champion and defend our family without fail?
“And while I love Fitzy dearly, there has always been something that connects me and you in a different way. You’re my best friend, Fifi. And I know you always have my best interests at heart, even when you’re being a mite overbearing and priggish. Even if you need to walk in on me sucking a man’s c—”
Felix’s alarmed squeak drowned out her words.
“—to wake you up and get your head out of your arse.”
He stared at her, head shaking slowly back and forth, mouth hanging open. Perfect. Endeavor accomplished. Felix was no longer sad but struck dumb.
“Dear Lord, I don’t envy the Duke if he is to be your husband. You are trouble, Flick. Sometimes it baffles me what you can transform yourself into in front of society.”
She sent a cheeky stare his way. “Would you believe it if I said it gives me the most delicious thrill, knowing that all of society underestimates me because of the facade I portray to them? They are allidiots.”
“You are scary, sister. And I love you, too, by the way.” He reached forward and squeezed her hand. “Thank you.”
Their gaze met and held, wordless understanding passing between them, and then Felix sat back and cleared his throat. “So, what is your plan with the Duke, then?”
Her body sagged, the weight of constantly battling Ash like a yoke on her shoulders.
“Fuck if I have the faintest idea,” she said, and Felix let out a low laugh. “I need to speak with him, but not until tomorrow. I think everyone would benefit from some time to…cool down, reset, before tackling everything again. I’m a bit peeved at him anyhow. I’ll let him sweat a bit longer.”
“What’d he do?”
“He tried to offer for me.”
Felix blinked at her. She remained silent. He blinked exaggeratedly again.
She thrust her wineglass in his direction. “Stop that. I know that blink. That’s theyou’re being a nonsensical nitwitblink.”
Felix’s eyebrows lifted and his eyes screamedobviously.“Um, yes, obviously.”
Exactly what she thought.
She let out a sigh. “He was offering out of honor, Fifi. Not because he wanted to marry me. A part of me wants to say dash it all to hell and accept it, because isn’t marrying him, regardless of the reason, better than the alternative?”
She dropped her face in her hands. “But the thought of him marrying me against his better judgement—because that is exactly how this feels… God, it flays my heart alive like this poor roast pheasant on my plate.” Perhaps that wasn’t an apt metaphor. Because her heart felt more like it was being used against a cheese grater.
“I’m too much of an outsider to this whole whirlwind romance between you two, so I cannot give you any insightful advice, Flick. But just know I’m here for you, no matter what you decide, no matter what happens. Even if I haven’t always been the best brother. I promise to do better going forward.”
He leaned forward and chucked her under the chin. She blinked back the burning building behind her eyes. Bloody Felix. She loved her stupid brother.
“Oh, and he’s dumber than a drunk on the East End docks if he doesn’t want to marry you for you.”
She blew out a breath and shot her brother a weak smile. Could Ash want to marry her, want a future togetherfor him? Because she really wanted there to be one. Not just a marriage based on honor, but a future between the two of them, with barriers broken down. She shoved the thoughts aside. Tomorrow’s problem.
She caught her brother’s gaze and arched a brow before popping a piece of pheasant in her mouth. “So, Fifi, what on earth is going on between you and Thorne?”
He let out a huff. “Fuck if I have the faintest idea.”
