“I will see you at dawn,” he gritted out, and then allowed Sam to push him from the room.
Fuck.
37
Felicity
FelicityrushedtoAsh’sside, his jaw red and already swelling, a clear imprint of fingers around his throat. Dear God.
“Ash. Ash, speak to me. Are you well? I am going tokillFelix. With a dull carving knife, so help me God. And I’m starting with his bloody ballocks.”
Ash cleared his throat. “I a-am well,” he croaked out with a weak smile. “Feels like I just swa-allowed a barrel of gravel.”
She crooned to him at the same time her heart galloped in her chest. She caressed the uninjured side of his face with trembling fingers.Bloody fucking hell.
“That was absolutely mortifying and terrifying. I’ll ring for some ice and cool water,” she said. She sprang up and hurried to the bellpull. “I cannot believe my arsehat of a brother. I’m going to chokehim.”She rung for a servant and turned back to Ash. “Should I have the doctor brought in?”
Ash shook his head. “N-No. I will be fine. Just sore.”
She started back to him. “And just so you are aware, there will be no cursed duel.”
He nodded at her and winced. He struggled to swallow and winced again. She rushed to him, crouching before him. Dear God, she hoped he wasn’t seriously hurt. Perhaps she should call for the doctor, regardless of what he said.
“Agreed, a duel would be foolish,” he managed hoarsely. “I will, of course, do the honorable thing—”
Felicity slapped her palm over his mouth and drowned out the rest of his words. Absolutely not. Absolutelybloodynot. “You arenotgoing to say what I think you were just about to say.”
Ash’s gaze darted around the room, alarm widening his eyes. A muffled, “Pardon?” came from behind her palm.
She narrowed her eyes at him, and a small growl rumbled deep in her throat.
His brows puckered, clearly confused at her ire. Because he was clearly an idiot.Clearly.
“No, Ash. You were not about to offer to marry me because it’shonorable. I refuse to hear it.” She stood and glared down at him. “I have been arguing with you, fightingfor us, giving you countless compelling reasons to marry me, and every damn one you have fought me on. But now”—she sliced her arm through the air—“because of your bloody principles, your bloody honor, you’ll marry me? Love’s not enough, but God forbid you break your bloody principles?”
“Felicity, shite, I didn’t mean it like that.” His raspy tone was apologetic, his forehead lined, blue eyes pleading.
She expelled a breath, the anger, annoyance, whatever it was inside her burning out, sadness and exhaustion taking its place. She walked backward toward her door, nodding, though she had no idea why. She was just so…defeated.
She paused at the door, and they silently stared at each other.
Finally, she broke the silence. “Before… before you were fighting so hard against us, Ash. You couldn’t bring yourself to admit that the only thing that is right, that makes sense, is us marrying. But now that your honor is involved, you discard all your reasons you so obstinately stood by.” Her breath hitched. “Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? Knowing that you need anexcuseto marry me. That it takespistols at dawnfor you to finally agree to marry me?”
She cleared her throat, dropping her gaze to the rose and gold carpet. She drew in a steadying breath, and when she finally spoke her words were soft. Flat. “So often it feels as though I have no control, no say, over what happens in my life. So often it feels as though no one wants to marry me, Felicity. It is the beauty, the accomplishments, or now the man’s honor. Never me.”
She shook her head sadly at him, and he reached out to her, but the length of the room between them might as well have been the length of the English Channel.
“I need to go speak with my brother. I would ask that you are gone from my chamber by the time I return. I would like some time to myself after everything that has happened today.”
“Lissy, I sincerely beg your pardon…”
She lifted a hand, silencing him. “I am tired, Ash.” Her voice cracked and she stepped into the hall. “I am so bloody tired. I just—” She paused and drew in a shaky breath. “I just need some time to myself.”
And with that she turned and left him on her bedchamber floor.
The entire walk to her brother’s chambers, she tried to breathe, tried to pull herself up from where she was drowning in hurt. She had fought for Ash at every turn, fought for the love that had surfaced so suddenly and so wildly between them. And he had fought against her. As each barrier fell, he found another to rebuild in its place. But the moment his honor came into question, all fight left him. Instantly. Her efforts meant nothing. Her love meant nothing.
That. Fucking. Hurt.
