His son’s jaw ticked.
“Look at me.”
Colborn’s chest rose and fell and then he slowly slid his gaze to meet Ash’s.
Ash went to speak, but the words wouldn’t form past the lump in his throat. He swallowed thickly and tried again. “I have not once acted as a father ought with you or Jacob. But it hasneverbeen because I don’t love you. My failings as a father hold no bearing on your worth. On your importance to me, to this family.”
Colborn’s gaze dropped to his fingers flexing on the stone wall.
Silence wrapped itself around them.
“I suppose only time will tell,” his son finally whispered. Colborn cleared his throat and whatever torment hid in the depths of his eyes. “So, if I’m not the reason, why are you sending Felicity away?”
Ash blew out a breath and stared out at the cloud-covered English sky. “I cannot keep her here for my own selfish pleasure. She is unmarried, which means she needs to find a suitable husband.”
Colborn studied him, seconds passing by like minutes. “I know you are principled and”—he waved a hand absently—“honorable and all that, but are you daft?”
Ash double-blinked. Was he daft? He opened his mouth—
“In what world areyounot a suitable husband?” his son said, his forehead a series of incredulous lines. “You’re a bloody duke. If she was going to marry me, afuture duke,wouldn’t the current duke be abettermatch?”
Ash looked heavenward. “Does everyone around here forget how old I am?”
“Yes, you’re a rickety old cove. However did you chase after me and make it to the top of the castle without your cane?”
Ash blew out an annoyed breath. He wasn’t on his deathbed, but there were eighteen years between him and Felicity.Eighteen.
“I’ve tupped plenty of women older than you,” Colborn added.
Ash’s eyes widened, and his son grinned.
“You heard Felicity’s tirade in the library about me sticking my prick in every woman in London. That might be an exaggeration, but if I discriminated by age, I’d have so many fewer options, especially considering I havesomeprinciples and avoid unmarried ladies.” He paused, caught Ash’s gaze, and winked. “Besides, older ladies can be downrightferal.”
Dear God. Ash grimaced. “I don’t need to know these things.” Ash was happy to never hear any details of his son’s sexual escapades. He read enough in the gossip columns. “Though I’m happy you haveaprinciple. I wouldn’t saysome,as right now I think it’s only the one.”
Colborn grinned and gently bumped into Ash’s shoulder. A subtle warmth slid its way into Ash’s chest. Camaraderie with his son. It was a new feeling. A nice feeling. Odd that, out of all conversations, it was happening during this one.
“Why do you do it?” Ash asked, something about the moment of connection loosening his tongue and letting the question he’d always wondered escape. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen your name listed in the scandal sheets with the same woman more than a handful of times before it lists you with someone new.” Ash hesitated, but he wanted to know. Wanted to better understand his son. “Is it not a lonely existence for you?” he asked quietly. “You had a future with someone like Felicity, and yet recklessly cast it away. Even now, you are…indifferent.”
Colborn’s smile dimmed and then completely fell away. “I couldn’t tell you, Father.” He stared out at the Devonford lands, eyes unfocused. Lost. “I truly couldn’t tell you.”
Ash wouldn’t push him, but he hoped some time away focusing on things other than empty encounters would allow his son the opportunity to figure it out.
He reached over and squeezed his son’s shoulder, then rested his elbows on the stone wall and looked out across the estate. Colborn’s shoulder brushed against his again, but this time his son didn’t move away, leaving the smallest amount of weight pressing into Ash.
They stood there in silence, and Ash pretended that just this once he was the father Colborn needed, that his son was using him to lean on.
31
Felicity
Felicitysatonathick blanket and stared out across the rocky beach into the dark blue-black ocean. A cool, salty wind whipped around her, and she wrapped her shawl tighter around her shoulders. Despite the warmth and the cloudless sky, the breeze off the water carried a light chill. The man swimming in the English Channel before her—the reason for her trip to the beach—must be freezing.
Yesterday had been one bad occurrence after another. First, the whole debacle with Pandora announcing for everyone in Christendom to hear that Felicity and Ash had been intimate. Becausescreaming nightmares. Lord, help her.
It had just piled on, one pitchfork of manure after another. A tearful Pandora had relayed that she’d tried to convince her father he should marry Felicity. But he had been adamant he most definitely didnotwant to marry Felicity. Even though Pandora thought Felicity would make the perfect mama. Felicity rubbed her chest. The organ in there was struggling.
Then Colborn had abruptly left. In the middle of Pandora’s birthday picnic, he announced he was leaving a day early for Brackenridge Hollow and departed soon after, barely managing a farewell to his father and sister.
