Instead of Barrow, he spotted his best mate striding toward him, Sam’s expression drawn tight.
“Sam—” Ash started.
“Colborn just arrived.”
Ash’s overwhelmed heart dropped to the stable’s stone floor. He couldn’t form a coherent thought, panic flooding his mind with nothing more than an incessant buzzing.
“But… The roads. Not…”
Guilt twisted Sam’s features. “That may have been a bit of a falsehood. The roads have been traversable…”
Ash’s eyes slid shut. He couldn’t even say he was surprised. He knew Sam had been up to something; and based on his run-in with his best friend and Barrow earlier, it would seem Sam had roped Barrow into his machinations as well.
“How long?” Ash asked, turning and heading in the direction of the castle. With each step, he pushed his emotions down, rebuilding the unfeeling exterior he wore day to day. Until her.
Sam fell into step with Ash. “We were informed yesterday mid-day.”
“God-fucking-damnit, Sam. Why?” He stared at his friend, pleading with his eyes. “Why would you bloody do this? If you hadn’t—I wouldn’t have—bloody fucking hell.” He dragged a hand down his face, fingertips digging into his flesh. He wouldn’t have kissed Felicity. He wouldn’t have felt… He wouldn’t havefelt.
“Because…” Sam said, his voice climbing in volume. “You are too much of a bloody idiot to see what life is clearly slapping you across the face with.”
“And what is that, Sam? Because what it seems like is that life sent myson’s fiancéhere to parade in front of me. To fucking torture me. Torture me with something I can never have.”
Sam’s large hand closed around Ash’s upper arm, and he pulled Ash to face him. “Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, she shouldn’t beyour son’sfiancé.”
“We are not having this conversation,” Ash gritted out. Because voicing the words—no, just thinking them—was a betrayal. Bloody hell, he had already entered betrayal territory.
He glanced up at the subtle drum of thundering hooves. Lady Felicity’s small form in the distance hurtled closer as she rode hard in the direction of the stables. Fuck.
He wrenched himself from Sam’s grip and stormed toward the castle. He glanced down at his dirt-covered riding breeches. Because he had been on the ground with Felicity. God damnit! He needed to change. He needed to prepare himself for seeing his son.
Bury the emotions.
He needed to steel himself against seeing Felicity again. Because after that dance and that kiss, he feared it would take one look, and everyone in the room would know how he felt about her. Himself included.
And he really couldn’t handle that right now.
Fuck. Shite. Fuck. Shite.Fuckshite.
Ash stood, hands planted on his washstand, staring blindly at the dark wood. He couldn’t bear to look at his face. He had washed the dirt and sweat, the scent of horse, and feel of Felicity from his skin. But he was still uncomfortable, still felt dirty, and no matter how hard he scrubbed, he couldn’t get the sticky feeling to go away.
And now he stood here, holed up in his room, like a coward. A coward who was afraid to see his son. He didn’t even know why he was avoiding it. Colborn was probably already well on his way to drunk. They barely spoke when they saw each other as it was.
But what in the bloody hell was Ash going to say to his son about the whole—your fiancé is randomly here at your country home even though you weren’t here.
His eyes sank close. He wasn’t ready for his and Felicity’s time to be over. He had thought he had more time. A roiling discomfort filled his gut.Ah, guilt, there you are. Because a father was not supposed to want more time alone with his son’s betrothed. A father was not supposed to kiss his son’s betrothed. A father was not supposed to want to keep his son’s betrothed for himself.
Sam’s words came back with alacrity.Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, she shouldn’t beyour son’sfiancé.
Pain speared through Ash’s heart, severing it. He let out a roar and slammed his fist against his washstand. The bowl of cloudy water upended, crashing to the floor.
Why was it that he committed sin after sin? Was there a place worse than hell for people like him? Surely once you hit a certain number of sins, you were too far corrupt, even for a place such as hell.
He took a steadying breath through his nose that came out much shakier than he would have liked.Collect your bloody wits, Ash. He needed to explain Felicity’s presence here. And telling Colborn she was here for revenge by sleeping with his father wasn’t exactly Ash’s first choice.
But perhaps he could say she was here about the betrothal. That she was concerned. Yes, that could work. It would be a great way to lead into a conversation about his son needing to clean up his act.
His son needed to grow up and learn that the world was not his due. Which meant Ash needed to practice some tough love, actuallybe a father,and stop handing over anything and everything Colborn asked for, cleaning up his messes for him, allowing him to shirk any and all responsibilities. Then perhaps Colborn would start turning into a man—a husband—who could make Felicity happy.
