My hand dropped.
How long have I been losing my mind?
Everything was falling apart around me, and nothing made any sense.
Do I have a brain tumor? Aren’t women at risk of schizophrenia until they’re twenty-six? Were my eye and ear not the only thing affected by the beating—did it permanently damage my brain?
“Never mind,” I whispered to Drex.
“Are you feeling okay?” he asked as he reached for me. “You look really pale.”
I recoiled against the bookshelf to avoid his touch.
Drex put his hands up in a surrender gesture.
“Try to take some deep breaths. It’s going to be okay,” he said kindly. “I know it’s been hard for you lately—with Augustus causing a scene like he did. But it’s going to be okay. He’ll probably forget about it in a day or two.”
Drex peered down at me, and I realized he was waiting for me to do something.
I nodded at him. “Yeah,” I lied. “I’m s-sure he will.”
Pushing myself back up to my feet, I tried to look normal, like I wasn’t crumbling inside.
“Can you tutor me a little before class?” Drex asked hopefully.
I swallowed a whimper. “Sure.”
Numbly I sat back down at the seat where I’d found the box of Oron’s body, and opened the textbook, which still had the awful note tucked into it.
With cold lips I talked Drex through concepts and drew them out.
At one point Maximum Hera, the friendly initiate with blue highlights in his blond hair, sat down next to me and asked to study with us. Drex agreed before I could say no.
Maximum made small talk the entire time.
I wanted to die.
Hours later, I stared numbly at the rock floor of the classroom as Augustus told an ancient Latin tale about bull jumping.
He stopped mid-story and said, “Alexis—where did I say this took place?” His voice whipped cruelly.
“Mycenae,” I answered without inflection. It sounded foreign. Barren and cold.
A long beat passed as Augustus furrowed his brow and stared at me. Soulless black eyes narrowed like he was trying to solve a puzzle.
I stared back.
Numb.
Frozen.
Barely alive.
Break my mind. Take over my will. I dare you.
For the first time, he looked away first.
I didn’t feel any satisfaction.
