Shi’chen shook his head, a pang in his chest. “No. He’s not a fighter. Terrible at it, in fact. But he’s smart. Much smarter than me. He could speak Cserethian with you, and probably a couple other languages. He’s a scholar, and he wants to be a physician.”
Lai looked thoughtful. “I don’t know much about goblin jobs, but aren’t scholars important?”
Shi’chen nodded. “Scholars and physicians are revered because knowledge is precious. They’re referred to as Your Reverence.”
Lai blinked at the words, and Shi’chen tried to clarify the language. “Study is important, so those who spend time learning are…” Shi’chen wished right now he spoke Cserethian like A’bbni did so he could make Lai understand the significance of academics for goblins. “They are important,” he finished awkwardly, unable to come up with a better word in Hanen-shii that Lai might know.
Lai seemed to at least understand the point behind his lack of eloquence. “I’d like to study more.”
“What sort of things?” Shi’chen asked curiously.
Lai shrugged. “Anything. I can’t write well. But I love history and culture.”
Yes, A’bbni would definitely like Lai. “If… if we ever go home again, you could come with us.”
“Home? You mean, to the imperial city?” Lai asked in surprise.
Shi’chen nodded. “Yes.”
“Only if the Emperor wouldn’t try to kill me, too,” Lai said with a bright grin.
Shi’chen couldn’t stop a bitter laugh. “We may never go back.” His eyes dropped to the plank floor. “And I may never see my brother again.”
“You will,” Lai said in a soft but firm tone that Shi’chen had not heard from him before.
“My heart hurts without him,” Shi’chen admitted, looking up into Lai’s eyes.
The half-elf gazed back at him before looking away. “I understand.”
Shi’chen watched Lai for a moment as the half-elf stared out over the deck to the open water. He had seen that look before. The same look that A’bbni and his Father had worn when their Mother had died during the fevers. “You lost someone.”
Lai was silent for a long moment, still staring out at the water before replying without turning his head. “My husband.”
Shi’chen blinked in surprise. “You were married?” Lai nodded, reaching up to brush his hand over his forehead as if pushing away strands of hair, but Shi’chen could see that it was to cover his eyes for a moment while he regained his composure. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
Lai quickly shook his head. “No,” he said, giving Shi’chen a weak smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s all right.”
Goblin instinct kicked in, and Shi’chen reached out and took Lai’s hand in his. Lai jumped, but he didn’t pull back, glancing down at their joined hands. Shi’chen held him, loose enough to let him pull away if he wanted. “What was his name?”
Lai’s eyes met his. “Talen. Talen Ablewood.”
Lai’s last name. Shi’chen felt a sharp pang in his heart at that. “How long were you together?”
“Three years,” Lai said, looking back out to the water. “He died almost a year ago.”
Shi’chen gave Lai’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m so sorry.”
Lai shook his head, dropping his eyes to his feet, his free hand clenching into a fist, but he didn’t say anything more. Shi’chen felt a hollowness in his chest. If A’bbni died, he didn’t know what he would do. He had to imagine, for Lai who had lost his mother and father, being half human in a land full of elves who did not look kindly on him, and then losing his husband, the world probably seemed like a very large and lonely place. “What… what did you do? After he… was gone?”
Lai shrugged, finally pulling his hand away from Shi’chen’s, and the goblin immediately missed the warmth and connection. “Survived, I suppose.”
That hurt his heart even more. Shi’chen stared down at his feet for a moment. The world already felt vast and cold without A’bbni there, and he imagined that surviving was all he would really be able to do as well. “What do you live for now?”
“I don’t know,” Lai admitted after a long silence. “Sometimes I think being dead would hurt less.”
Shi’chen followed the line of Lai’s eyes out to the water on the horizon. “But you are alive. That has to mean something.” How had this turned into him trying to give Lai advice about loss?
Lai shrugged, then suddenly put on a bright smile that Shi’chen could see didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m alive, and I’ve met a goblin prince. I guess that’s something.”
