“Thanks for understanding. I really don’t care about Jimmie anymore. Not like that. I don’t want you to think that, because you and I…” I raised the bottle and took a quick drink of beer before I said something foolish.
Holden glanced over my shoulder at his family. “Come into the office a minute, okay?”
I swallowed, unsure whether to be concerned. Was he just pretending to be okay with me contacting Jimmie? “Okay.”
I followed Holden into his office and watched as he closed the door behind me.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted. “The last thing you care about is my stupid ex. I mean, that’s not what you want to hear about from a guy you’re—” I stopped short.
Holden gave me a look. “That’s the second time you’ve stopped yourself from saying something.”
“Well, I…I just don’t know…what to call what we are to each other.” I winced. “Not that we have to define anything. I’m not trying to corner you into something.”
“No cornering necessary,” Holden said. “I think you know already that I’m crazy about you. Why else would I have gone all the way to St. Louis and brought you into my home? You were already important to me.”
I nodded. “I wouldn’t have come if you weren’t something to me too.”
“I thought as much. But when I first came to get you, you were pretty adamant about one thing. You said you couldn’t be my boyfriend, and I?—”
“That was stupid,” I blurted out. “I just didn’t want there to be any expectations about what we’d be to each other.”
“Which was fair,” Holden said. “I respect that.”
“Yeah, well, I also said we wouldn’t have sex, and we’ve done that a bunch of times.”
“Yeah, but we’re not really…I mean, it’s not the same kind of sex as you’d have with other guys. We did that even before you came here.”
“Maybe it’s not the same, but it’s still sex.” I shook my head. “I feel like we’re getting sidetracked. What did you want to say to me when you asked me to come in here?”
“I saw your uncertainty out there about us.” He licked his lips. “I just wanted to clarify it for you. Shiloh, this might be the worst time to ask, but would you consider going on a date with me?”
“A date?” I said, totally caught off guard.
He smiled shyly, and dear god, it was the most adorable expression I’d ever seen. Such a serious, disciplined,sternmangoing all cute and boyish. A dimple popped in his right cheek. Who knew he had a freaking dimple?
“At the risk of sounding stupid again, would you want to reconsider being my boyfriend? I know I?—”
“Yes!”
He paused. “You should really think about it, though. I come with a lot of baggage, and that’s never going to change.”
“I don’t need to think about it.”
“But I’m not an easy man to be with.”
“Aren’t you? Because you’re blowing my ex out of the water.” At his stunned look, I added, “I might care if Jimmie lives or dies, but I don’t want to see him again. You know that, right? I’ve already fallen for someone else.”
His eyes warmed. “If I was a better man, I wouldn’t ask. I’d let you live your life without all my fucking damage, but I’m selfish, Shiloh.”
I laughed and shook my head. “Then we’ll be selfish together, because I want you too much to walk away now. You and me are seeing this through.”
He came a step closer and held out his hand. Moving slowly, I placed my palm over his. He folded my fingers within his. “I don’t deserve you,” he said quietly.
“Wrong,” I said softly. “You deserve everything.”
He lifted my hand and brushed a quick kiss to my knuckles. “I wish I could show you how much this means.”
“You show me every time you pick me up from school and glare at Parker.”
