He blew out a big breath. “I wish I could be so easy for you.”
“Yeah, well, easy is kind of the camboy’s job description,” I said without thinking.
His expression tightened. “Are you still…”
“Not really. I haven’t taken the site down, but I don’t have any shows scheduled.”
There were one or two persistent clients who kept asking when I’d be back. The easy solution was to tell them never and take the site down. But…
The cam site had been my safety net for a long time. It was possible that Brick and Curtis would eventually find me. Was I ready to give up the income that might help me pay them off?
Would they really go away if you gave them more money—or just insist you owed them even more?
“Shiloh?” Holden said in a tone that made me aware I’d zoned out. “You’re not stopping for my sake, are you?”
I refocused on his face, noting the crease of concern across his forehead, the tightening at the corners of his eyes.
“No,” I said softly. “I mean, I would gladly do it for you. Because you mean more to me than a side hustle. But if I have to choose between it and teaching, I’ll always choose teaching. It’s my real calling.”
Holden nodded. “And if you didn’t have to choose?”
I tilted my head, thinking. “No, I don’t think I’d keep it up much longer, anyway. I liked it, or I would have never gotten into it, and it’s helped me out of a few jams. But it was never going to last forever.”
Holden nodded. “Good. I would hate for you to lose something you loved.”
“That’s sweet, but I think I’ve gotten everything I needed out of it. More than I ever expected, really.”
Holden held my gaze. “Yeah, me too.”
He took hold of my hand and slowly raised it between us. My heart swelled when he dipped his head, his lips lightly brushing my skin.
My phone alarm cut the moment short. He jumped, releasing me, and rolled out of the bed.
“Are you okay?” I asked, reaching for my phone to shut it off.
“Yeah.” He strode for the bathroom. “We’re going to be late if we don’t get moving.”
My hand tingled with the ghost of his lips against it. “Yeah, okay.”
He slipped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Shutting himself in or shutting me out?
Sadness welled up, but I pushed it down. He’d just given me more than ever before. This was a process. He couldn’t healovernight and hold me just because I’d suddenly become clingy as fuck.
With a huff of annoyance at myself for being so selfish, I climbed out of the bed. While I waited for the shower, I might as well hop on the computer and check my email for the latest scheduling updates.
I grabbed my laptop and pulled it out of its bag, then sat cross-legged in the center of Holden’s bed and booted it up. Banshee whined at the door. Holden must have taken her out before waking me early this morning.
A smile teased at my mouth. Just thinking of how much he’d wanted me made the distance between us a little easier to take. I wasn’t in this alone, and Holden’s need to retreat wasn’t a rejection. I knew that.
A notification popped up from the cam site. I reallyshouldshut it down. My conversation with Holden had clarified for me that it was a crutch I didn’t want or need anymore.
I opened my DMs, ready to tell DeShaun that I wouldn’t be available. I could refer him to one of my cam friends who’d appeal to his kinks. In fact, I should set up my whole site to forward to my old cam friend, Kian. I’d have to check with him first, but I couldn’t imagine he’d be sad to get a flow of new clients.
The newest notification came from an anonymous member. I clicked it open.
You can hide, but Jimmie can’t. Someone will pay, and if we can’t have cash, we’ll take flesh.
There was a skull-and-crossbones emoji.
