“It doesn’t,” I said quickly. “You’re so much more than this one thing.”
“Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. I hate that I can’t control it.”
“I bet.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, control freak, guilty as charged. So you can imagine how much it bothers me. I guess that’s why I’ve avoided really dealing with it. That might not make much sense, but I found it so frustrating every time my body reacted outside of my control that I just didn’t even want to try.”
“I can’t possibly understand what it’s like, but I understand what you’re saying. I wish I could help.”
“You already are. Just this, having you in my bed, is a big step.”
“As long as it’s not too much for you.”
“No, but…would you talk for a while? Just tell me about your life? I need to distract my mind so I can fall asleep.”
“Sure. Um. Well, when I was teaching class, the day before I came here, my best student was filling out a map, and she drew a little corncob in Nebraska, and I thought to myself, that’s where Holden lives. Never thought I’d be here, though.”
“Do you miss your students?”
“I really do,” I murmured. “When I lost my family, I was just a teenager. It was hard. They didn’t love me enough to accept me, so did they love me at all? I know that’s nothing compared to your childhood…”
“Still valid,” he murmured. “It’s not a competition.”
“Anyway, teaching those kids was kind of my replacement family.”
“And now you have us.”
His words startled me. His family had welcomed me so easily. But I was still just a guy crashing here for a few days, wasn’t I?
“You’re lucky to have your brothers,” I said. “I envy you all. I was an only child, and I’m not sure my parents even wanted kids, but…”
I continued rambling about my upbringing, my childhood friends, my favorite students until Holden’s even, steady breathing echoed between us.
I closed my eyes, and sleep came fast.
When I next woke, morning light was streaming through the window, and Holden was watching me with a content expression on his face.
“Sleep okay?” I asked.
“Mm. Woke a few times when I noticed you moving, but really, better than expected.”
He unzipped the sleeping bag enough to pet a wiggly Banshee. She was all happy doggy smiles and lolling tongue now. I guess she’d decided I wasn’t going to hurt her person.
Or maybe it was Holden’s anxiety she’d sensed, and now that it was gone, she was happy. If that was the case, I might be able to use her as a barometer of whether Holden was really okay. Because I wasn’t sure he’d tell me when he wasn’t.
I threw back the blankets, thinking a bathroom visit was in order, and Holden’s gaze dropped to my very obvious morning wood.
“Are you as horny as me?” I palmed my dick, and Holden stopped breathing. “I have an idea of something you might like, if you have time…?”
He licked his lips and glanced at the dog. “Yeah, let me take Banshee out real quick.”
“Don’t take too long, or I might have to start without you.”
Holden rushed across the room, making me laugh to myself. The man wanted me, no doubts there. After what he’d said last night about his need for control—and all my experience with him bossing me around on camera—I was pretty sure he’d love my idea.
I hit the bathroom, then dug through my duffel of cam supplies until I found the prostate massager with the remote control. I shucked the rest of my clothes, grabbed the lube, and positioned myself on the end of the bed so he’d see me in all my glory as he entered the room.
Holden slipped in, closing the door behind him. He took in my position on the bed, then glanced toward his laptop, which was positioned to catch my every move. “You’re not?—”
