Later that evening, I was still thinking about Dr. Levy’s words. I distracted myself by taking on the chore of making dinner, but once we all sat down to bowls of chicken chili around the table, I couldn’t take my eyes off Shiloh.
He pursed his lips, blowing over his first spoonful before sipping it delicately into his mouth. Would I get to touch that mouth with mine? Experience it pressed to my throat or chest or feel it close around my cock as I’d fantasized so many times?
My stomach tied itself in knots. Once I asked Shiloh to do this with me, there was no going back. I could ask to stop, yes, but it would be admitting failure. Giving upagain.
Right now, in this moment, hope still lived. Turning hope into reality was taking it out of its fragile little bubble and exposing it to a harsh world. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that, no matter how badly I wanted to be.
“Shiloh sure is pretty,” Axel joked from his place at the opposite end of the table.
“The prettiest,” Gray agreed with a smirk.
I blinked to awareness, noticing everyone’s eyes on me. Watching me stare. Including Shiloh.
“I was lost in thought,” I grumbled.
“Sure you were,” Bailey said with a grin. “Lost in thought about Shiloh’s beautiful eyes.”
“His amazing cheekbones,” Gray put in.
“His sexy-as-fuck a—” Dalton clapped a hand over Axel’s mouth before he could finish that statement.
“Thank you, Sheriff,” I said dryly. “You’re doing us all a service by muzzling that one.”
Axel nipped his hand, and Dalton yanked it down. “Ow. You bit me.”
“You like it,” Axel said, eyes sparkling.
“I like you,” Dalton said, the sap, and leaned in to kiss him.
My brothers all exchanged affection so casually. They didn’t have to stare longingly at their men. If I were brave enough, could I have that too?
Maybe not the forever kind of love that my brothers had. Shiloh told me before he ever came here that he wasn’t looking for a boyfriend.
But even a fraction of what they had would be more than I had ever dreamed of. If I couldn’t have Shiloh forever, maybe I could have one small piece of him, just enough to say I’d actuallylivedand not just survived.
CHAPTER 12
Shiloh
I wokewith an ache in my hip and rolled to my other side, but ow, just as uncomfortable. I squirmed around, plastic squeaking beneath me, until my brain came online and I realized the air mattress had gone flat.
“Fuck,” I muttered.
Above me on the bed, Holden sighed and turned over. Ah, the soft, lovely bed I’d willingly given up. Silly Shiloh.
Not that I’d wish this on Holden. At least I could get up and go to the sofa. He might not like it when he discovered it in the morning, but I’d never get any sleep on the hard floor.
I unzipped the sleeping bag and crawled out. I slept naked, so I took a few minutes to find a pair of briefs and a T-shirt to pull on. Once dressed, I stood up and tiptoed toward the door.
Banshee perked up on the foot of the bed, huffing a breath at me and thumping her tail. I lifted my finger to my lips, as if the dog was going to understand the universal sign forbe quiet.
“Shiloh?” Holden murmured, voice groggy. “Wha’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Go back to sleep.”
He pushed himself up against the headboard and turned on the bedside lamp. That was the opposite of going back to sleep. “You’ve been tossing and turning,” he said. “The air mattress get low again?”
“Totally flat,” I said. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
