Well, the Púca was helping me with that.
As four of the Wraiths approached the animal, attempting to restrain it, the Púca lunged. There was an audibleclickas its fangs snapped. The Wraiths ducked and drew their weapons.
“Don’t youdarehurt that animal!” I staggered out of the fire, groaning when the cool, muddy ground soothed my bleeding feet.
I expected the Wraiths to pivot and attack. Instead, they bolted.Awayfrom me.
Ha!Look at that!I hadn’t even done anything and they were scared! I just needed a few dragons to drape over my shoulders and I’d be ready for myGame of Thronescameo.
Scratch that.
Dragons were old news. Venomous horses acting as bodyguards? That was the new trend.
The Púca thundered around the fire, fangs flashing. It got three Wraiths in quick succession. One in the arm, another in the shoulder. The third was the bullseye: the Púca bit his left asscheek.
I had to laugh.Had to.“Yes! Get that booty!”
But the humor died when those Wraiths collapsed thirty seconds later. They initially convulsed and foamed at the mouth, then went still and rigid as the venom raced through their blood.
I winced and looked away.
Our odds were better now with only three Wraiths still standing. But they were armed to the teeth. And they’d scattered, forcing the Púca to hunt them down.
I needed to do something.
But where was my poleaxe?
And where the heck had they put my clothes?
I spun around but still didn’t see my weapon. “The fu—ooof!” Something solid rammed into my back. A gray-skinned hand clapped over my mouth and nostrils, fingers digging into my cheeks hard enough to bruise.“Mmmph!”I yelled. My back flattened against the metal-coated chest of a Wraith.“Hmmm mpphkin bastbmp!”(English translation:You fucking bastard).
“I know who you are,” the guttural voice rasped in my ear.
“Mmmph?”
“Immune to fire you may be,” the Wraith hissed. “But you are still mortal.” He raised his other hand, flashing a curved knife in front of my face. “You still bleed.”
“Nphm.”
He angled the knife, aiming the tip at my stomach.
Without thinking, I threw myself forward.Intothe knife. Dumb move, right? But it knocked him off balance. (Of course it did. I was 160+ pounds of pure blubber).
We nosedived straight into the fire. I crushed my nose on the charred wood (again) and the blade sliced my stomach, slightly above my left hip. But the Wraith’s wail drowned out my angry roar.
My skin somehow,magically, repelled flames. His did not.
“You stupid…” I grabbed a handful of embers and smashed them into his face as he writhed in agony…“fugly…” Another handful went into his mouth…“asshole!” I shoved embers into every orifice. I even thought about yanking his pants down and ramming them up his ass. “You fuckingstabbedme! Prick!” He’d stopped screaming. Probably because I kept pushing ashes down his gullet. “IHATEyou!”
Dark shadows moved in my left peripheral.
I sprang to my feet, snatched a flaming log out of the fire, and brandished it at the two approaching Wraiths. “Back the fuck up. I am not playing anymore.Back up!”
Amazingly, they did.
The Púca gleefully jogged over and sank its teeth into one Wraith’s neck. The other tried to split, but I dove forward and walloped him across the face with my burning log.
And…that was that.
