He nodded, looking resigned but also relieved. “All right. I’m here. I’ll be here.”
Giving him a tight smile, I walked to the elevators. Stepping inside, I pressed a random button, because I didn’t even know where I was going. I only knew I couldn’t be here. Just before the doors closed, I watched Elanie say something to Freddie, placing her hand on his arm while he shook his head, his chin dropping to his chest.
Tig commed.
Since leaving Freddie in the hallway, I’d been hiding out in the Kravaxian’s rooms, programming their walls to display surprisingly beautiful digpics of their planet. Rather than the barren wasteland I’d pictured, Kravax was lush and mountainous. It reminded me a little of Tranquis. Whichreminded me of Jonathan. Which reminded me of everything.
I commed back, hearing the exhausted strain in my own voice.
If I sounded exhausted, she sounded completely wrecked.
Skirting the question, she commed,
I asked, programming another pic.
I murmured.
Tig agreed.
I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me.
After selecting the last digpic, I sighed at the wall.
She groaned over the comm.
she grumbled before clicking off the comm.
Plopping down onto the bed, I rubbed my tired eyes. With Freddie, the Kravaxians, and the anniversary looming, it was…a lot. And for a moment, sitting there, I let myself feel it—the disappointment, the pain, the sorrow. At first, it was tolerable, a manageable ache. But then, like it always did, the pain swelled, expanded, and soon, I had to bite my cheek against the crushing weight of it. Against the certainty of how easily it could hold me down and never release me if I let it.
So I didn’t let it. Because I was good at keeping it out. Keeping everything out. Keeping myself safe. I’d made a mistake letting Freddie sneak in. It wasn’t his fault. Maybe it wasn’t even my fault. Either way, it wouldn’t happen again.
With my mind made up, I got to my feet, inhaled sharply, and blew the air out through my lips. Only one thing would keep me going, keep my head above water, keep the pain at bay. The same thing that had kept me afloat for the last five years. Straightening my shirt, pinching my cheeks, and smoothing my bangs across my forehead, I got back to work.
27
Waitingoutside the airlock with Freddie and Chan, watching the FFKs’ shuttle dock with the ship, I shifted from foot to foot, tapping my fingernails on my belt. This would go one of two ways. Either LunaCorp was right, and this would be an uneventful week spent training a few new employees. Or the ship was about to be raided.
Once the airlock finished cycling and the doors slid open, Chan, dressed in his finest suit, pulled his hoverchair forward. “Welcome aboard,” he said while the FFKs stepped over the threshold.
They were tall, all with deep-brown eyes, moon-pale skin, and jet-black hair. I wasn’t exactly sure what I’d expected, but the reality was strangely disappointing. There were no necklaces made of noses. No finger-bone earrings. There wasn’t even a single menacing tattoo. Instead, the two males looked sharp in well-tailored suits, and the two females stunned in black skirts and crisp white blouses. The younger of the females wore a pair of fabulous shoes, red heels with thin straps that wrapped twice around herankles. If I’d thought in a million years that I’d be dying to know where a Kravaxian had bought her shoes…
“Hello,” I said, giving them a small nod, not extending my hand because—according to the sensitivity training Freddie had provided to the crew last week—Kravaxians only shook another being’s hand when agreeing to a fight to the death. Although he did add that this might have been inaccurate since so little was known about Kravaxian customs, I wasn’t taking any chances. “I am Sunastara, your hospitality specialist.”
One of the males stepped forward, the tallest and oldest—mid-forties in standard years, if I had to guess. He had a heavy brow, a jawline chiseled from marble, and the broad chest of someone who spent a great deal of time lifting heavy things. “I am Tano,” he said, waving his hand toward the female standing next to him, her chin jutting out proudly, her arms held stiffly at her sides. “This is my partner, Marisia.” He nodded toward the younger male to his right who had a wry twist to his mouth and friendly—for a Kravaxian—eyes. “My associate, Axel.” Last, Tano introduced the female wearing the phenomenal shoes. She was younger than the rest, maybe Tig’s age, with fine, birdlike features and a hesitant smile. “And this is Reya.”
“It is wonderful to meet you all,” I said. “Welcome to theIgnisar.”
