“I didn’t mean to wear this dress,” I admitted. “It was a mistake. I…I didn’t realize.”
“A mistake?” he repeated, breathless.
“I’m going back to my pod to change. Right now. I didn’t mean it.”
“Please.” His hand slid over mine where it still pressed into his chest. “Please don’t push me away.”
But couldn’t he see? Didn’t he know? That was all I’d ever do.
He touched his forehead to mine, his breath warm on my lips. “Why can’t we try? I wish we could try. I know you think it will be hard or scary or jeopardize our jobs. But I don’t think it would. I think it could work. Please, Sunny. You’re all I want.”
I had to leave, to run. Otherwise, he would try to kiss me again, and if he did, I wasn’t sure I’d have the strength to stop him a second time. I had to shut this down. I had to make him see how terrible I’d be for him. I had to stop all this wanting, because wanting something, no matter how badly, was never enough. It never worked.
While my stomach sank like a stone and my throat closed like a fist, I said the only thing that would make him stop, make him leave. “Freddie, a man is here to see me. Aman I have a history with. I’ll”—I fought through an excruciating swallow—“be with him tonight.”
After that, there was nothing left but an empty, unforgiving cold as he stepped back, pulling the warmth of his body away from mine. With an unreadable expression, he slid his hands into his pockets, closed his eyes, and said, “I understand.”
Dropping my hand from his chest, and with a horrible tremor in my voice, I said, “I’m so sorry.” Then, like the coward I was, I ran.
10
After strippingoff what used to be my favorite little black dress, I flung it into a dark corner of my closet where it could sit and think about what it had done. Yanking a random not-grounded dress off a hanger, I pulled it on, turned around, and slammed my palm into my door sensor so hard I left a dent.
With each step back toward the ballroom, a cold emptiness enveloped me. But at least the panic trying to burn me up from the inside out when I’d been in that hallway with him, with his eyes staring into mine, his arms bracketing my body, his heart in his hands while I callously swatted it away, had faded.
Turning the final corner, I took a breath, shook out my shoulders, and fluffed my hair. It hurt, a deep, piercing ache. But there was also some relief, knowing I’d saved him from?—
I hissed, trying not to have a heart attack for the third time tonight.
she repeated, ignoring the threat.
My life might be in ragged, perpetual shambles, but at least I had my work.
Elanie replied flatly.
Walking into the ballroom, I had to zag to avoid stepping on a passed out Vorpol’s foot. Apparently, the party was already in full swing.
Before clicking off the comm, I asked,
My eyes flared. That couldn’t have gone over well.
With a deep sigh, I commed,
