It was true that when I saw him leaning against that shelf, I wanted nothing more than to run to him, throw myself into his arms, and kiss him until we both nearly died from it. But he had no idea who he was talking to. He knew Phoebe, not Sunny. Phoebe was put together. Phoebe was carefree. Phoebe was light and fun and desirable. Sunny was none of those things. Sunny was a disaster. Sunny still spenther days walking over the thinnest layer of ice, knowing that any extra weight would shatter the surface beneath her feet, and she’d be lost.
Providing a blessed break in the tension, a group of Delphinian wizards—as this particular group of magicians wanted to be called—swept down the hall, their red and black robes swishing against their legs. One of them said, “That’s when I realized the incantation, when recited quickly, sounded just like, ‘I poured butter on a bear’s underbelly,’ in Common.” And when another replied, “That’s random. Remind me again, what is a ‘bear’?” I tried not to laugh, but I was treading dangerously close to hysterical, the type of hysterical where everything was funny, whether it was catastrophic or not. So a shrill laugh came out anyway.
When Freddie laughed too, delighted, like hearing my laughterdelightedhim, I gave my head a firm shake and said, “Maybe all it means is that you and I were meant to work together.”
He scoffed. “It’s more than that.”
Somehow, by the grace of the cosmos, calm returned to me by degrees. I hadn’t seen this man in months. We probably had nothing in common. He probably liked sardines and hated reality television. “Freddie,” I said, trying to sound convincing, “we hardly know each other. Trust me, you don’t want to throw this job, this very good job with an excellent crew on a beautiful…ish,” I clarified, “ship away over one random night months ago. You’ll love working here. And you and I? Well, we can be fr?—”
He moved so close that his breath brushed over my lips. It smelled like cake. “If you say friends, I’m going to shoutfire.”
I tried to back away, but my ass bumped into the moonjelly tank, startling the little blobs into a slightly less slow-motion whirl away from the glass. Freddie’s lips hovered a hairsbreadth from mine, and my weight tipped itself onto my toes to get closer to them—entirely without my permission, I might add.
“Sunny—”
“I can’t,” I said, placing a hand on his chest, ignoring the warmth of his skin under his shirt to push him away. “I’d like to be fr—you know what I mean,” I said with a flapping gesture that I hoped conveyedplease don’t actually shoutfire. “I understand if that’s not something you want. But I can’t give you more.” Because I had nothing more to give. All I had was this job, this ship, this little life.And I couldn’t lose any of it. Not for all the orgasms in the galaxy. “I’m sorry.”
Backing away, some invisible bucket of cold water washing all the heat from his expression, he said, “I see.” He slid his hands into his pockets. “Then I’m sorry too.” Clarity surfaced in the deep pools of his eyes, along with something like shame, which made me feel awful. He had nothing to be ashamed of. He wasn’t the problem here. This was all me. “I shouldn’t have come on so strong.”
“It’s fine,” I said, needing the moment to be over, needing some time and space to process…everything. “But we should really get back to the party. You’re the guest of honor, after all.”
“Of course,” he said with a slow nod. “After you.” He stepped to the side, and when I made myself walk past him back to the staff room, he watched me go without another word.
“Everything all right out there?” Chan asked around a mouthful of cake as I walked back through the door, Freddie filing in a few steps behind me.
“Right as rain, Chan,” Freddie said, his voice reed thin.Then, in a lighter tone, “Would you look at that? I leave for five minutes, and my new crewmates try to finish my cake without me.”
Tig, our head of IT, froze, her blue eyes wide and her bite of cake halted halfway to her mouth. “Sorry, Freddie,” she said, pushing her plate away and pulling the hood of her sweatshirt over her pink hair, her small, round face disappearing in its shadow.
“I was only joking.” He slid her plate back in front of her. “Forgive me, Tig.”
I pulled out my chair, my heart still pounding, my palms still sweating, my chest still tight. While I sat, shaken but determined to pretend that everything was normal, Chan, Elanie, Tig, and the twins, Rax and Morgath—hulking, green-skinned ex-Royal military from the smaller planet of the Aquilines who ran our security—gorged themselves on sheet cake with chocolate frosting andWelcome to the Junglescrawled across the top in blue icing.
Eventually, Chan raised his cup in a toast. “Well,” he said with a tight, nervy laugh, “it seems our new L&C has already made quite the impression on our little group.”
My gaze betrayed me, sliding to Freddie’s across the table. When he smiled, meeting my stare, I whipped my head back toward Chan so fast, something in my neck popped.
“Yeah,” Rax said, frowning at me in that way he did when he was wondering if someone neededstraightening out, which in the twins’ world usually resulted in a trip to the med bay. When he looked at Freddie, his frown turned downright menacing. “What was that all about?”
“They slept together,” Elanie stated like she was reading the weather report.
I choked on nothing while Freddie’s eyes tripled in size.
“Elanie,” Chan hissed.
“What?” Her shoulder hitched. “It’s true. Sunny, tell them.”
Since Elanie was a relatively young bionic and still unskilled at societal norms, I gave her a pass. But that didn’t mean I wouldn’t be talking to her later about why we don’t air our coworker’s dirty laundry at staff meetings. “Just to keep ship gossip from reaching critical mass,” I said to the room. “Freddie and I met on the CAK a few months ago. We had a”—heat seared my cheeks—“nice night. However, that is in the past. We are both professionals and will behave accordingly.”
All eyes turned to Freddie as color rushed up his throat, a throat I wished I didn’t remember kissing and licking in such vivid detail. “Oh. Um, well. You see,” he stammered. “What Sunny says is true. We, uh, did…” He trailed off, straightening his tie, reminding me of his other tie, the one currently coiled under my pillow. “I am a consummate professional, however?—”
Morgath snorted. “Y’all got freaky, didn’t you?” He grinned, scratching his thick fingers into his unruly mop of green hair.
Elbowing his brother in the ribs, Rax muttered, “Shut up, dingus.”
“Anyway,” Chan said over the chatter. “Welcome to the team, Freddie. Our last L&C was exemplary, so you’ll have some very big shoes to fill. But I’m sure you’ll be plenty big enough.”
Freddie coughed on his vitoWater.
