“Trig, please,” she managed, her throat tight like it was being squeezed.
“I know you are gracious, kind, trustworthy, and loyal. I know you don’t want to get hurt again. And when I looked at you under the northern lights, swimming in my pool, when I kissed you, I knew I’d dreamt about you. For years and years, only I’d forgotten.”
“You…dreamt about me?”
Stepping closer, he pressed his forehead to hers. “So many nights. All my life, I’ve dreamt of you. Please, Kissie. You are the literal woman of my dreams. Please don’t give up on this.”
Pulling herself away from him was like defying the laws of gravity, but she had no choice. “I have to.”
“Why? What do you have to lose? Seriously, Kissie, what are you so afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid, dammit!” When she stamped her foot, it sent a tear down her cheek. “I’m moving.”
He stumbled back a step. “You’re moving?”
“Yes. I’m sorry you think the woman you’ve been dreaming about is me, okay. Because it’s not. It isn’t me. Because I’m moving to Seattle in two weeks. And the way I feel about you is not long-distance. It’s close-distance. It’s staying-right-here-forever-until-we-die-old-and-happy-in-the-same-bed distance. And I can’t stay right here forever. I can’t.”
“You’re moving to Seattle?”
Frozen in place like someone pressed her pause button, Kissie gasped, “Oh no,” while her heart gave her ribs a fierce kick. Turning around, she met the cool, unblinking stare of her best friend.
“When the hell were you going to tell me that?”
“Dawn? What are you doing out of bed?”
“I thought a swim might help my cough. Did you honestly just say you’re moving?”
Raising her hands, Kissie explained, “I was going to tell you on the drive home. I swear. I just got the job, Dawn. Like, just last week.”
“You’ve known for a week?” Dawn’s voice broke, her eyes filling. “You’ve known you were leaving for a fucking week?” She pointed at Trig. “And you toldhimbefore you told me?”
Kissie could feel Trig at her back, a cold and silent wall. Dawn in front of her, all fiery anger. She was stuck between two people she never wanted to hurt, and yet here she was. Hurting them both.
She had to go. She couldn’t breathe. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Pushing past Dawn, her lungs burning, chest constricting, Kissie charged for the door.
“Where are you going?” Dawn shouted after her. “Kissie!”
Kissie didn’t answer. She couldn’t. She needed a few minutes, some time to think, to breathe. To figure out how she’d messed this up so badly, and how to fix it.
“Wait!” It was Trig this time.
“Let her go,” Kissie heard Dawn say. “When she gets like this—”
“I’m not trying to stop her,” Trig said. His voice sounded all wrong. Distant. Cold. “But you need a coat if you’re going out there!”
Kissie didn’t care about a coat. She didn’t care how cold it was. She needed to get out.
Throwing the door open, stepping into the frigid night, she was enveloped by the sulfur mist of the hot springs as fat snowflakes drifted down, settling on her cheeks. She gasped, inhaling, filling her lungs.
Even though she barely felt it when Trig settled her coat over her shoulders, she noticed each step, each crunch of his boots on the snow when he turned around without a word and left her there, alone.
Threading her arms into her sleeves, fastening her buttons and pulling her gloves out of her pockets, she wandered away from Mystic, following the road down the hill toward town. She didn’t know where she was going or what she’d do when she got there. She only knew she needed to walk. She needed to put one foot in front of the other until things started making sense again, because nothing made sense right now. Nothing had made sense for weeks. Maybe for her entire life.
She’d followed the rules. She’d done exactly what she was supposed to do. She’d been brave, seized an opportunity, tried to move on and up to a better, more fulfilling life. So why did she feel so empty whenever she thought about actually getting in her car and driving away? Why had she refused to tell Dawn? Why had she let things go so far with Trig?
Walking through an empty town, wrapping her arms around herself, she realized she had no idea what it was she really wanted.
