“He was kind of shocked that you thought he was cheating.”
Maxi’s heart was flooded with guilt. “I feel so awful. Poor James. But still…” She looked around the patio, at her painting and the cottage. And Rembrandt curled up on the back of the couch. In the few days she’d been here, she’d felt like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. She was starting a new life, and she was afraid there might not be room for James in it. “I’m not sure I want to give everything up and go back. I’m afraid.”
Jane frowned. “Afraid of what?”
“Afraid that I’ll lose the momentum I’ve made with my art. Afraid that maybe I don’t really love James like I used to. Afraid that if I go back, things will go back to the way they were, and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”
To their credit, Jane and Claire didn’t try to talk her into it. Maxi needed to figure this out on her own. Yes, she owed James an apology, but things hadn’t been all roses between them regardless. She wasn’t ready to just go back to their house and move in like nothing had happened. Not now and maybe not ever.
Chapter Thirteen
Maxi stared at the phone in her hand. She’d called James to apologize, and he’d taken it a lot better than she’d expected. He’d been quieter than she expected, too, probably because his feelings were hurt. She felt like a heel.
“I kind of thought he’d ask me to come back,” Maxi said to Rembrandt, who was on the coffee table batting at one of her charcoal pencils.
The cat looked up at her as if to ask how she felt about that. Maxi wasn’t sure. Now that she realized James wasn’t a cheater, her move to the cottage seemed overly drastic. But there had been something wrong with their relationship, and she was enjoying her freedom. It had only been a few days, but she wasn’t the same person she’d been when she left James.
Would James still want the new Maxi? And, more importantly, did the new Maxi want to go back to her old life?
Oh well, nothing like immersing yourself in a painting to let the subconscious work those things out. Maxi took her palette and brushes out to the patio, where the canvas for her second painting for the art gallery opening awaited. She’d already sketched in the craggy rocks, crashing waves, and one lone seagull. She took a minute to set up the paints then grabbed her palette and mixed cerulean blue with yellow ochre for the cresting wave.
It would take several hours to lay in the basics, then she’d let it dry for a while before adding the highlights tomorrow. That would be just about the right timing to visit the Purple Blueberry for that wine tasting this afternoon.
Yesterday she’d been excited to step out to the trendy bohemian bar, something she’d always wanted to do. But today her feelings were apprehensive. In thirty years of marriage, she’d hardly gone anywhere without James at her side, and suddenly it felt like she would be missing a part of her.
But the Purple Blueberry wasn’t a place that James would ever want to visit. It wasn’t a place where one wore neatly pressed chinos and golf shirts. But it was a place where Maxi had always thought she’d fit in.
She felt as if she were standing on the very cliff she was painting, looking down at the ocean of her future. If she went back to James, what would become of that future? All the things she wanted—to immerse herself in creativity and find new like-minded friends and activities—might be pushed out of her reach. But yet, she couldn’t imagine a future without James. Now that the sting of thinking he had cheated on her had worn off, she realized she still loved him.
She didn’t want to lose him, but more than that, she didn’t want to lose herself.
How in the world have I let myself get talked into this?James wondered as he stood in Montgomery’s Department Store, his gaze shifting between the selections of clothing Claire and Jane held up.
James hated shopping. He usually just ordered things at O’Malley’s Men’s Shop. They knew his measurements. He’d pick out a suit, and Ted would tailor it for him. Casual clothing was off the rack. He always bought the same thing. But Claire and Jane and that odd handywoman, Sally, had insisted he needed to change his image.
He supposed they were right. Maxi had looked more casual the last time he saw her, and Rob and Mike didn’t dress up like he did. Had he become a stodgy old man as Sally had implied?
“I like this and this.” He pointed at a pair of jeans that looked old and faded and a black T-shirt with gray stitching that made it look more tailored than a regular tee.
“I’ll go grab some similar items.” Sally pushed off from the rack she’d been leaning against and disappeared into the store.
“So how did Maxi seem when you saw her?” James asked Jane and Claire. He’d told them about Maxi’s apology call and had even earned an awkward slap on the back from Sally when he’d explained how he'd managed to not appear too eager. Sally had advised him against begging her to come back home like he’d wanted to. She seemed to think that playing hard to get was the way to go.
James wasn’t into games like that, but then again, he also knew nothing about women, and since Jane and Claire both agreed with Sally, he’d reluctantly gone along. It had been the hardest thing he’d ever done, but Picasso had been there to lend him moral support. The cat must have felt sorry for him because after the call he'd even let out a few purrs, the first time ever.
Pretending to be cool, calm, and collected, as if Maxi’s absence wasn’t killing him, had been the most difficult thing he’d ever done.
“She did feel terrible about suspecting you.” Claire held a sky-blue shirt up under his chin and glanced at Jane for approval.
“That one brings out your blue eyes,” Jane said. “She seemed like she was settling in to the cottage, but I got the impression she misses you.”
“She’s just having too much fun exploring her freedom,” Sally piped in as she piled three more pairs of pants into James’s arms.
“It’s going to take her a while to adjust. She was getting all geared up to hate you,” Claire said. “In the meantime, we’re going to help you out so you're well positioned to win her back.
“Thanks.” James looked down at the pile of clothes. “Updating my appearance is good, I guess, but I feel like I need to take some kind of action.”
“Don’t worry, we have that covered too.” Sally pushed him toward the changing room. “See, the thing is you need toshowMaxi that you’re willing to change. To make the relationship better for her. To give her everything she needs to live her best life.”
