“Miles,” I whisper.
“I know,” he says. Our foreheads meet as we breathe, our chests moving together.
The sun hasn’t come up over the mountains yet when I feel Miles’s lips against my temple. I stir, wrapping my arms around his broad chest. He pulls me in just a little bit closer, letting out a deep breath.
“Good morning,” I say.
“Hey pretty girl.” His voice is still gravelly with sleep.
I giggle against his chest. For a blissful moment, this feels real. Like I could have this every day. Waking up with Miles next to me, kissing him just because I can.
My heart yearns for it, but my head knows it can never be that way. Eventually, something would go wrong. He’d leave or I would, and the pain would be too much to bear. I care about him way too much to go through with this.
My little bubble of happiness pops when my phone alarm cuts through the silence. I groan, rolling over to turn it off.
“Do you have to get going?” Miles says, trepidation in his voice.
“Yeah,” I sigh.
Miles nods, pulling me in a little tighter. I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t know he was doing it.
“I hate goodbyes,” I whisper. This is killing me. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest and put onto a skewer.
“Me too.”
He holds me in his arms for a while, both of us silent. My head is running through everything that has happened in the past three months. Arriving in Wyoming, seeing him again, the cows breaking the fence, Miles walking me home under the stars, kissing under the fireworks.
Him leaving for a week with no word. Finding out he was married and never told me. Standing next to him in the cabin in the middle of a rain storm as I broke both of our hearts.
Eventually, he rustles me to the side and sits up, grabbing his baseball cap from the side table. I toss the blankets off of my legs and gather my clothes.
We dress in a heavy silence, clearing up all evidence we were even here. It feels like we are erasing ourselves.
I hesitate by the door, looking back at him. Miles makes his way over to me, pulling me into a hug that feels like home. Tears leak out of my eyes and into his shirt as he holds me close.
I pull away first. “Miles—“
“Hey, it’s okay,” he interrupts. “You gotta go.”
I nod, wiping my cheeks. I turn towards the door, stepping out onto the porch. The outline of the mountains is barely visible as the sky starts to turn yellow.
I can go over all of the reasons I should leave as many times as I want, but my heart still cracks as I step out into the morning.
Chapter 30
I Don’t Know How
Itake a deep breath,making my way off the porch. Stepping off the last step and onto the dirt, dizziness fills my head. All I can see is swirls of gray with black spots.
Until I can see something else. Somewhere else. I know I’m not actually there, but it feels so real. So right.
I’m no longer on the porch, I’m in a place that feelsalmostreal. Like a vivid dream. A little hazy.
I’m standing in a cozy living room with a big fireplace built of gray slate stones. A leather couch stands in front of me, covered in plush pillows and warm blankets. It’s almost dusk outside. That special time of the evening when the sky is red and a couple of stars shine through.
A breeze drifts by out the windows, rustling red, orange and yellow leaves on the trees. It’s the peak of fall, colors painting the hillside and golden grass blanketing the ranch. A small group of cattle grazes in a nearby field. The Tetons standing silent guard above it all.
Strong arms wrap around me and I’m hit with a sense of deja vu. It’s a familiar touch, one that makes me feel safe.
