“Two weeks, and Luthor’s been here over twenty-four hours at this point and neither you or him have mentioned her once or called her. Why is that?”
The biggest tell of all was that Xane turned his back to him. Followed by him donning shades. Spook walked around him and plucked them off his face. “Why? And no bullshit.”
Xane’s gaze dropped to midway down his shirt. “We’re taking a break.”
“You’ve split up?”
“No. It’s not like that. It’s a break. Just a break.”
“How long a break?”
The fact he didn’t get an answer said it all. “Weeks? Months? Six months? Xane?”
“Yes.”
“Yes?”
“The latter? You’ve been broken up six months!”
“More like five.”
“My fault.” Like he needed more proof that he broke everything he fucking touched.
“Spook, it isn’t your fault.”
Like he believed that for a millisecond. Spook went to the bathroom and threw up.
-28-
Xane
Xane wedged himself into a corner between the wood store and what had perhaps been a chicken coop. It was here that Luthor found him on his return. His lover didn’t say anything at first, just took a perch on the drystone wall and gave Xane a minute to adjust to his presence.
“Okay, what happened? I go out and everything’s rocking. I come back and he’s lying in the dark, and you’re out here looking like you’ve just witnessed a puppy massacre.”
Xane picked at the cuff of his shirt. He was outside because the bothy was too claustrophobic, but he didn’t dare leave in case Spook was no longer here when he got back. “Dani,” he blurted. “Dani happened. Somehow it purposefully slipped my mind to mention to Spook that the world hadn’t remained in stasis while he’s been locked up here. He asked. I told him the truth.”
“And now you’re not speaking?”
“We’re taking a moment. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He has a very idealised view of other people’s relationships and can’t comprehend that they’re as complex as his own.”
“That doesn’t sound very much like Spook. I presume what you mean is that he’s blaming himself for Dani’s decision.”
Xane huffed into his hand, then scratched his scalp. He rolled his eyes skyward. “Yeah.”
“You told him it wasn’t his fault, right?”
“Luthor, just because I say stuff doesn’t mean he believes it. I thought I was getting somewhere, but I’m not so sure that’s true. There’s only so much bleeding onto paper a man can do. At some point, you have to accept you need more fucking help than that. Now he’s convinced he’s some sort of soul-sucking, relationship-wrecking black hole in addition to being a sadistic monster.”
“Yeah, but we both know that’s not the case, so it doesn’t matter what he believes in at this moment, because we can prove otherwise.”
Xane scratched his jaw. “Wish I shared your optimism.”
“You do, or you wouldn’t be here. You just need a break.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know. I totally get that. I wasn’t suggesting that you leave. But Xane, we both know you can be an emotional sponge, and what he’s feeling… it’s not the sort of feelings that’ll do you any good to absorb. I’m not so sure that his reliance on you is such a good thing, either. Dependency can be just as toxic as neglect, and he’s clinging to you like you’re the only thing protecting him from the sun going supernova.”
