No. No, he was not all right. He was the epitome of not all right. When he finally managed to catch his breath, he said, “I’m going to bed.”
“You sure?” Concern bled into the silver of Xane’s eyes. “It’s early yet.”
It was, and he wasn’t tired. Knew that he wouldn’t sleep. He couldn’t even summon a yawn to help him fake exhaustion.
“Night.” He didn’t offer an explanation. It seemed best. If he opened his mouth, he wasn’t sure what would pour out. Nothing sensible to be sure.
Xane returned a wary echo.
“Godnatt.” Luthor switched back to English to enquire of Xane, once Spook had pushed over the door, “Is this normal? It’s barely eight?”
The latch hadn’t caught. The door bounced against the jam, leaving it open a crack. Spook didn’t return to it.
“It’s as normal as it gets. Maybe he just needs some space. It’s been just the two of us, and before that he’d barely seen a soul for nearly six months.”
“Yeah.” Luthor sighed. Spook could imagine the furrow in his brows. “I guess people are draining. Another game?”
“I’d say something witty about snakes if my brain was working.”
“Why not let it rest and think with your snake for a while.”
“And I’m the sex addict. Luth—he’s only been gone thirty seconds.”
Spook snatched a pillow off the bed and wrapped it around his head so that it muffled his hearing. He ended up on his knees, brow to the mattress, the pillow over his head. In all his years of celibacy, other people’s sexual habits had never bothered him. They happened, but for the most part, they didn’t touch him. It was only after Allegra Hutton stormed into his life that any sort of tetchiness arose. She was gone from him now. No longer part of the world he’d created for himself. But then, nor was Luthor. Xane… Xane had slid through the cracks so easily it was difficult to remember he hadn’t always been here. Now, he felt like a bridge between two realities. One peaceful, and utterly solitary, the other a kaleidoscope of too-bright colours, noise, and heartbreak.
He cast off the pillow. He couldn’t hear them talking anymore. In some ways that was worse because he was straining for any confirmation they remained there, that the world beyond these four walls continued to exist.
Back on his feet, he returned to pacing. There wasn’t a lot of space. Barely five strides between the far wall and the door. He performed them three… four… a dozen times, retreating only to return to the door each time. His hand never settled upon the knob. It wasn’t necessary. The door remained open enough for him to curl his fingers around its edge. Enough for him to peer through into the fire glow gloom beyond.
What he witnessed was no surprise. They were still there on the hearth rug. The main difference was that they had on fewer clothes. Was he really going to stand here in the gloom and watch them fuck?
Yes, he realised. Yes, that was exactly what he was going to do.
Facing reality had to be better than shutting the door and having his imagination play endless reels of depravity. At least looking at them, he could see how desperately in love with one another they were. He could acknowledge that it was more than physical addiction. Had it always been like this for them? Could he trust that his own memories of them being so soul-twinned were correct?
He realised that in all the time Xane and Luthor had been together, he’d only ever seen them entwined like this the once. The time at his place on Lake Vänern. No one had been interested in how good they looked together on that occasion. His memory of it was predominately of Dani sobbing. Him marching Xane to the downstairs guest room and unceremoniously putting him to bed. Exchanging words with Luthor that may or may not have shaped the future. This future. The one he was gawping at now.
The one that had him poker hard and acting like a creepy voyeur.
He ought to make his presence known. He wasn’t concerned about Xane’s reaction. Xane would lap it up.You want to watch? No problem.He was never happier than when he was the centre of attention, and he was sexy enough, and cocky enough to carry it off.
Luthor, on the other hand, was a relatively unknown quantity. Still the new guy of Black Halo. Although, was that even true anymore if Ronnie Bush was joining them?
Luthor peeled the last of Xane’s clothing from him, leaving him naked on hands and knees. He set to sucking Xane from behind, one hand cupped around his lover’s balls, the other steadying him. It looked… Well, not entirely comfortable, and didn’t that just make him harder. Even the smallest trace of sadism sparked something in him that he couldn’t resist. Spook adjusted the waistband of his joggers—thankfully they were loose—while Luthor crowed about how he was going to give Xane everything he needed. He’d certainly come equipped for the job, and not in terms of condoms and lubes, although they were in evidence, too, sitting right by them on the rug in easy reach.
Heat rushed to his cheeks as he watched Luthor stroke himself. For all that Xane had claimed not to bottom all that often, that was clearly where things were headed. There was something utterly compelling about watching the other man rub his cock into the groove between Xane’s cheeks. Luthor reached forward and twisted one of Xane’s pierced nipples between finger and thumb, causing him to hiss in pain. “You’re so easy to get hard,” Luthor teased.
“Yeah, well as the world is so keen to tell me, I’ve a one-track mind.”
“Not always one track enough.” Luthor’s hand twisted in the ebony strands of Xane’s hair, causing him to arch backwards, lifting him up off his hands, and into Luthor’s swaddling embrace. Their mouths met over Xane’s shoulder in a kiss that was predominantly bite. “I’m surprised you’ve got anything done. You must have been hard every minute of the last week.”
“Why do you think my forearms are so fucking toned?”
He was pulling at Xane’s nipples again, aggressively plucking at the silver rings there, twisting them so that Xane grimaced, but his cock jerked and stiffened a little more after every twist. He was so damned beautiful, a saturnine star, so perfect in his imperfection that it was no wonder people the world over engraved his name on their hearts.
That fibreglass itch enveloped Spook’s skin again. People the world over, and him.
“If you’re going to watch, then stop hiding, and fucking watch.”
