He shook his head.
“You know, it might help to state your fears aloud.”
“It won’t.”
“Spook.”
“It won’t, Alle.You know you’re not the first person who’s tried to get me to talk.And probably won’t be the last.”
“Fine, you don’t want to talk, but will you at least confirm there’s no truth to the accusations he printed?”
The way he swallowed said it all.
Alle closed her eyes as she winced, only inching her eyelids open again slowly.“I’m sorry.I trust you, it’s just...”
“It’d be foolish not to ask.”His sigh was soul deep.“There’s some scattered grains of truth among them, in the same way that there was some truth to what he said about us.You were outside my door scantily clad, and I daresay some squeals were heard.”
“But you didn’t attempt to tie up and shag a sixteen year old, and you don’t spy on the other members of your band during make-out sessions.”
“No sixteen year olds,” he countered.“She was older.Older than I am, and it wasn’t like she told it.It was also nearly a decade ago.As for the band—it’s not spying.They know I’m there.They know I’m going to take pictures.”
“Why?”
“Why take pictures?”His head drooped.
“They’re not to get off to, I know that much.”
His lips pursed tight, and webs of lines dug grooves into his brow and all around his eyes.Alle wasn’t sure he was going to answer.He had that faraway look in his eyes, like he was withdrawing from the moment.Taking a gigantic step back.Away from reality.Away from her.And away from whatever it was that tortured him.His whole body tensed beneath her.
Alle brushed her fingers against the ribbing of his collar rather than offering a verbal prompt.
“Alle…”
“I just want to understand.”
“I know… I know that’s all you want, but, can we drop this?Please.I need to do this at my own pace.”
“Is it going to continue to be glacial?”
“It’s not been that slow.”
“Spook.Why do you watch?If getting off isn’t the goal, why do it?”
“Insurance.”He bit hard into his lip.
She didn’t get it at first.It took a moment or two of consideration.“You mean in case one of them accused your band mates of something?”
“Yeah.”
“Right.And is that why you record us too?”
He stayed silent.
“Fuck!Wow.”She made to lift off his lap, but he closed his hands over her hips.
“I do trust you, Alle.More than it probably looks like.I’ve let you in.No one else has come close, tempted me even.If me being cautious is offensive to you, I’m sorry.The intention isn’t meant to be disrespectful.I’m just wary.”
That was way beyond wariness.He was practically stating that he expected things to go tits up and dozens of newspaper inches to be devoted to the resulting drama.An ache in her jaw made her realise she was gritting her teeth.
