-15-
All the space Alle had given him since they’d first hooked up, what had it achieved?A big fat spectacular nothing, that’s what.It’d just allowed Spook to keep his head buried in the sand.And now, now she couldn’t even argue with him because… because shit had happened.She hadn’t attacked him, but she had distracted him last night.He’d put himself in a vulnerable position because of her.No wonder he no longer wanted anything to do with her.
Except, she hadn’t imagined the fire of his kiss, the heat with which he’d embraced her or the way his hands had clawed at her like it wasn’t possible to hold her tightly or closely enough.
Alle burst back into the room where she and Ronnie had located the band to find it blissfully deserted.At least there wasn’t a crowd now staring at the mad ginger woman with the red nose and puffy lips.Further tears sluiced down her cheeks, as she snuffled at the side of a stack of crates.Ronnie had meant to do her a favour by bringing her here, but it had been an unmitigated disaster.At least before, the possibility of turning her and Spook’s almost-not-quite relationship into something real had existed.Now, that hope was exhausted.
Somehow, she had to go home and forget about him.Forget about their late night chats and text conversations.Forget about how amazing he’d made her feel.Accept that he was hurting, and he didn’t want her around offering comfort and support.That last one stung most comprehensively of all.
“I could help.”
But she had to respect his wish.And she would.
Once she had her phone – it currently sat locked in the hotel safe – she’d delete it all.Everything.Obliterate the whole of the last twelve months.Wipe it away as if it had meant nothing.
“Goddammit, Spook!I really thought we had a chance.”
It took a little while to pull herself together enough to muster the courage to seek out Ronnie.One of the roadies, a big guy with a shaved head, helpfully pointed her in the right direction.
Black Halo, minus Spook, were hanging in a corner of the auditorium, parked around a table, Ronnie in the midst of them, chatting away as if he’d known them all since primary school.Her attempts to catch his eye from a distance comprehensively failed.To be fair, if their places were reversed, she wouldn’t have noticed him from across the room either.She’d have been Black Halo gaga.
In the end, she was forced to approach the table.
“Everything okay?”Ronnie asked, making space for her to sit beside him, having obviously misinterpreted herlet’s leave, let’s leave right now, signals.She flashed him her bestno, everything is a steaming pile of dog shitsmile, and co-opted his drink.Ronnie watched her swallow without protest.He was a sweetie like that.He even offered her one of his strawberry laces.Once she’d finished, he slung an arm around her shoulder, and leaned in to her ear.“I guess Mr Mortensen wasn’t into the idea of shagging you bandy.Silly sod.You can’t pretend it’s really a surprise though.I’ve been talking to the guys, and Spook’s celibacy is totally legit.”
“Don’t,” she mouthed back.It was too soon.Most of the band weren’t paying her any regard, but Xane’s attention was riveted upon her.
“Can we get out of here?”She didn’t even mean back to the hotel, rather that they skipped town altogether, and headed straight for the airport, so she could go home toherbed, andherduvet, and vicious cuddles with Ewan’s savage cat, Malice, that he pretended was pronounced Malissa.
“Suppose,” Ronnie remarked, pouting with his bottom lip.Obviously, he didn’t want to go.Who would?Mere mortals rarely got the chance to hang with Black Halo.Not that Ronnie was a nobody.Or rather, he was destined not to be one.
“All right.”He relented.“But, I’ll have to go for a wazz first.”
“Make it quick.”
Ronnie extracted himself from his seat by climbing over the back of his chair and swaggered towards the Gents’.
Lost without the comfort of his presence, Alle’s fake smile faded.Almost as instantly, Xane slid into the seat beside her.
“It didn’t go so well,” he observed.
Understatement of the century.
“Don’t give up.He’s a mess right now, but he does want you.”
“He really doesn’t.He just made that quite plain.”
Xane sighed, and lifted his shades so that he could squeeze his eyes.They were tired, and curiously red-rimmed.“You really believe the bollocks coming out of his mouth at the minute?Did he tell you what happened?”
She nodded.“Not the details though.”
“The fuckwit posed as a security guard, led him away from that mob you were kind enough to warn us about.He got a bit roughed up as you can see.And very, very drunk afterwards.It’s not why he’s pushing you away though.”
“Are you about to enlighten me?”
Xane shook his head, though he did her the courtesy of sliding his sunglasses up onto his head, so that he was meeting her gaze while he did so.“It’s not my place.All I’m saying is that he’s carrying around an Everest-sized amount of baggage that he refuses to deal with, and that’s making him act like an idiot.Look, I promise you, no matter what he’s just said, he does care about you.Desire you.It’ll tear him to pieces if you walk away now.”
“If I walk away?Xane, he practically pushed me out of the door.”
