They were never in the same place at the same time.
Now, however, he had the opportunity to change that.Dammit, he’d been thinking about it for days… weeks even, but now it came down to it, was it what he wanted?
For nine months, he hadn’t had to worry about where this was going, or delivering on her expectations, or even whether those expectations aligned with his own.Hell, he didn’t know what he wanted out of a relationship.He wasn’t certain he wanted any sort of relationship at all.That didn’t dampen the recollections though.Memories of heat and skin, and the sensation of her mouth around his cock had caused him endless sleepless nights.However, that didn’t mean he wanted to jump into bed with her on a permanent basis or otherwise.
After all, he was celibate for a reason.
And Allegra Hutton was a blip on a nine-year near-perfect record.
I want you to fuck me.Won’t you fuck me?Spank me.Hurt me.I want so badly to feel you inside of me.
Memories?Demands?Was he really ready and willing to tear down all the barriers that kept him sane and safe?He might claim he was only calling to arrange a meet up; face to face, coffee and a chat, but that didn’t mean that was how she would see it.
When will you fuck me?I want it… I want you, bad.
Allegra Hutton wasn’t the sort of woman to be content with a look, don’t touch relationship.
He couldn’t do this.
I can’t give you what you want.
He couldn’t.Not without destabilising everything.
It didn’t matter that his cock had other thoughts.It was not riding the damn show.So what if he got stiff whenever the faintest glimmer of a memory of her passed through his consciousness: a flame bright curl of hair, the twinkle of an eye, the curve of her breasts.It didn’t mean he had to act on it.No one ever claimed that being celibate exempted you from erections.
ALLE: Spook?
I like you.I do.A lot, actually.It wouldn’t take much for him to fall hard and deep, but all the like in the world didn’t make him want to unlock the irons he’d shackled himself with.They were his safety net.They’d kept his demons in harness for a good long time.
His phone buzzed again.He now had a string of messages from her, predominantly composed of his name and lines of question marks.
Five minutes ago he’d intended to arrange a meet-up.Now, hell if he was sure about that.
Fuck!
He shoved his phone deep into a pocket, then stood with his hands cupped over his mouth and nose, breathing hard into the shallow space.In.Out.In.Out.He’d been high on life a moment ago, now he was drowning.
The siren’s cry of an incoming call wailed from inside his pocket.
In.Out.In.Out.No need to answer it.
I need it, Jan.I need you.
Only you make the darkness fade.
“Please.I can’t give you what you need.”
Pain flared white hot across his chest.In.Out.In Out.
You always say that shit, but it’s just not true.You always give me what I need.
The voice was right there in his head, so loud it was like she was right in front of him.
Every time.It’s why I love you.You love me too, Jan, don’t you?You love me black and blue.
“Don’t say that.”
Why not, it’s the truth.Want me to display the evidence?
