Intimate.The word made her squirm.
Killian remained where he was, leaning against the dresser. He stood very still, tension radiating off him.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. It’s none of my business.” She’d seriously overstepped. Now she didn’t know how to make it right.
“It’s fine. It’s just…” He let out a long breath. “I never talk about this stuff. At least not with someone who isn’t Portia or Tommy.”
Shit. Her stomach was in knots. She kept reminding him of what he’d lost because of her. It must be killing him, to be trapped with the person who’d destroyed the strongest relationships in his life.
“How can you stand to look at me?” Her words carried all the anguish of the last few days. “I delivered the bomb, even if I didn’t make it.”
That broke his stillness but did nothing for the tension between them. He pushed to his full height and took her by the shoulders.
He stood close—too close—and stared down at her with such intensity that she felt naked and vulnerable. She wanted her leathers, her everyday armor, her bravado. Instead, everything had been stripped away, leaving her exposed.
He searched her face. Studying it? Or looking for something specific?
“It isn’t easy,” he admitted, so softly that she barely heard him.
The words, once they’d registered, hit like a slap. Her heart stopped and she tried to pull away.
His hands gripped her shoulders. Not tight enough to hurt, but she couldn’t wriggle away either. “Would you rather I lie to you? It hurts.” Killian released her shoulders.
Shaking—and shaken—Dizzie didn’t move. If he could share this, she could take it. She owed him that and so much more.
“There’s a hole in here.” Killian rubbed his chest, right over his heart. “Where Tommy was. And another one from me and Portia. Our relationship is changed forever—even if you hadn’t delivered the bomb. Death changes everything.”
He paused and looked away, but not before she saw the glimmer of tears. “When my parents died, I suddenly had no family. I was all alone and the only reason I got through it was because of Tommy and Portia. And even then, I didn’t come back all the way. A part of me is still trapped with Mom and Dad under that building.”
Dizzie sucked in a breath. She’d forgotten that the St. Johns had been killed when a building collapsed during an earthquake. The bombing must have brought that all roaring back for him. Given his tragic past, she was surprised he could even be in the same room with her.
“When I see you, I see the woman who delivered the bomb.”
She wrapped her arms around her middle to counter the chill of his words.
“But I also see a victim of the system. Someone who wasn’t raised on corporate games, at least not the ones played at the highest levels. I know there’s someone higher pulling the strings. Whether it’s for corporate espionage or a power play—I don’t give a fuck what the reason is. I’ll find the person responsible and I will make sure they pay.”
He looked at her then, grim determination in his gaze. “If you’re a victim, I’ll protect you. But god help you if you’re not.”
Dizzie could only stare at him. The illusion of Killian—the one crafted by the newsies and even the one she’d created over the last few days—had been stripped away. The man in front of her terrified her. The power he wielded. The way he could crush her. But his honesty gave her the courage to embrace hers.
Killian St. John in all his vengeful fury scared her, but he also aroused her. She may not get out of this situation in one piece, but she’d go down in flames with him.
Forcing all doubts and fears from her mind, Dizzie rose onto her tiptoes and kissed him.
Chapter31
Killian’s handslid around the back of her neck, holding her in place and warming her bare skin with his touch. His other arm wrapped around her waist, tugging her flush against him.
The kiss turned punishing as Killian took charge. And Dizzie loved every moment of it. She’d never tire of kissing this man.
His mouth devoured hers, but it still wasn’t enough.
She stretched higher, wrapping her arms around his neck. Her balance failed and she fell the rest of the way against him.
His arm slid lower, just below her butt, and he hefted her higher.
Their kiss captured the sound.
