How did he know that? How could he understand the tightrope she was carefully walking, even when she’d exercised such diligence in concealing anything that might give her away?
‘I’m not afraid,’ she lied.
‘Listen to me, Charlotte. I want to tell you for that exact reason—so you can understand why I am the way that I am. Why I will never really get married again—not in the real sense of the word. Why this,’ he gestured from his chest to hers. ‘Is all we can ever be.’
‘You say that like I’m asking for more.’
‘I say it like a man who can read the situation,cara.’
Her spine prickled with goosebumps.
‘We’re good together,’ he said, simply. ‘In another world, if we were different people, with different pasts, we could make something truly good come out of this. But we’ve both lived lives that have made us want to run from love.’
She drew in a deep breath. ‘Dante, stop. You’re grossly misunderstanding what I want.’
His lips twisted. ‘I know you do not love me, don’t worry. But we both see the danger here. It is the only reason I can think of that we are both so desperate to keep reinforcing our rules. Why we keep insisting it’s just about sex.’
‘It is—,’
‘Yes,’ he interrupted. ‘And I am about to explain why, for my part at least.’
She glanced down at the crisp white sheet between them, dropping her hand from his lips and giving up on arguing with him. In other words, letting the curious part of herself win the battle, finally. But that didn’t matter. Charlotte would win the war. She would protect herself with every last fibre of her being.
And in doing so, she’d protect Dante, because they both wanted the exact same thing—security. A guarantee that this relationship would leave them unscathed.
‘For the first year or two of my marriage, Jamie and I were very happy together. We were young and in love, and we had everything we could possibly want in life. We travelled, we connected, we spent as much time together as we possibly could—which was, actually, not that much because I worked a lot then. As I do now,’ he conceded.
Charlotte’s stomach felt mushy. She didn’t want to hear this, even though she was hanging on his every word, with some kind of masochistic fascination.
‘I’ve often wondered if that was part of it.’
‘Part of what?’ she prompted, when he didn’t continue.
His eyes latched to hers, but in a manner that made her feel he wasn’t really seeing her any more. He was back in the past, looking at Jamie, looking at himself, in that oddly distorting way memories had.
‘Why she was so desperate for more?’
‘More? Are you saying she cheated?’
He shook his head. ‘Jamie would never do that.’
Something barbed her side. Hurt. Betrayal. Jealousy. Sharp enough to seem like an electric shock. He defended her automatically. Spoke of his ex-wife with reverence.
Charlotte blinked away, hating her visceral response to that. Hating that he could evoke anything like that in her.
‘Then what?’ Her voice emerged a little gravelled.
‘She wanted a baby,’ he said, the words heavy and scathing.
‘Oh.’ Charlotte frowned. ‘I see.’ She didn’t. While she’d known for a long time that she’d never get married, or have children, she also knew that many people out there felt the exact opposite. A lot of people grew up with that biological urge to procreate hard-wired into their brains.
‘I doubt it,’ Dante muttered, looking at her now with something in the depths of his eyes that made her head hurt. Or was that her heart? Because for a moment, he looked truly vulnerable. Sore. And she yearned to reach out and draw him into a hug. To tell him that it was okay. That no matter what he was feeling, it would all be fine eventually.
She stayed right where she was though, one hand forming a fist at her side, beneath the sheet, where he wouldn’t see it. She dug her fingernails into her palms so hard she knew they’d form little crescent moon indents.
‘She wanted a family,’ he said. ‘And I loved her enough to give her anything. I didn’t have strong feelings, one way or another, back then. I was focused on my career and then on Jamie. It was enough for me.’
‘But it wasn’t for her.’
