Once they left the crowd behind, Emily brought her mount abreast of Philip’s and they were able to converse as they rode out into the countryside. Emily shook off her disquieting thoughts and told Philip all about the sights she had been enjoying thus far in London. She asked him his opinion of some of the people she had met, and he laughed at her impersonations of some of the more ridiculous members of thebeau monde.
They carried on companionably before Philip brought them to a halt on the brow of a small hill. Emily’s breath caught in her throat at the beauty of the scenery. Tears sprang to her eyes as she turned to Philip and said, “It looks just like home!” Philip racked his brain for where at Yorkleigh or Rosemount she would consider similar to this until he realized she meant her own home, wherever that was.
He meant to console her when he reached over and took her hand and therefore was not prepared for the sizzle that jolted through him at the contact. She squeezed his hand in return as she gazed about her at the breath-taking vista, and then turned shimmering eyes up to his face. “Thank you for bringing me here, my lord. This is just what I needed.”
He whispered, “Please, call me Philip,” as he leaned over and gently kissed her upturned face. Again they both felt the jolt of awareness as they had during their first kiss. Emily’s eyes drifted shut as Philip kissed her more ardently. He knew she lacked experience and did not want to scare her with his enthusiasm. Not yet prepared to declare himself, after a moment he broke the contact and raised his head.
He almost lost what little control remained to him when Emily’s eyes drifted back open and he saw the look of wonder in them. Her every emotion lay bare for him to see, and he knew she felt the same as he did. In that moment he gave up the struggle he had been fighting for weeks, maybe even months. Her background did not matter anymore; he accepted that he loved her. But then she blushed rosily, blinked rapidly, and managed to wipe the wonder from her face.
She cast about in her mind for something suitable to say but came up blank, so she just gazed straight ahead and cleared her throat. There was an excruciating moment of silence before she finally said, “Well, I suppose we ought to be getting back, Lady Clara shall be wondering what has become of me.” With that she turned her mount around and started back the way they had come.
Philip watched her go in consternation.Did the chit expect me to apologize?he asked himself in incredulity? He realized she was getting away and spurred his horse after her. They continued back to the townhouse at a brisk pace in silence, both lost in their own chaotic thoughts. Emily was berating herself for being so foolish as to fall in love with someone she could not trust with her heart. Philip was wondering how his mother was going to take the news that he wanted to marry her companion. She was likely to be thrilled since it had been her suggestion. He was surprised at his own equanimity at considering marrying so below himself in station when he had been so resistant to the idea for so long. They were both deeply relieved when they arrived back in the mews behind the townhouse.
Emily jumped down without assistance, threw the reins to the waiting groom, and dashed to the house without a backwards glance. She didn’t stop running until she was in her room with the door locked. She knew she was being foolish but she was at a loss what to do. She was half afraid he was going to follow her, and she was half afraid he wouldn’t. She was unsure which would be worse. She wanted to sit down and cry out her frustration, but she refused to give in to such weakness. Instead she threw off her riding habit in exchange for a proper afternoon gown and ran down to the salon where Lady Clara was at home to guests.
When she entered the room, Emily felt many eyes upon her. She curtsied to the room in general before joining Lady Clara on the settee. The countess could tell there was something amiss with her young friend but knew this was not the time or place to ask what was wrong. She confined herself to giving Emily’s hand a squeeze while continuing her conversation with Lady Waddell.
Emily looked around the room to see who all was there. She was relieved not to see Lady Merrivale. She had half expected the old harridan to be here spreading doubts about her identity. Emily took a deep breath to steady her nerves before smiling at the young gentleman trying to catch her eye. Her thoughts were too scattered to recall his name, but he didn’t seem to notice, he was more interested in telling her how wonderful he was. She suppressed a grimace while trying to look interested. She calculated in her mind the exact amount of time she had to listen to him so as to carefully balance not being rude with not leading him to have expectations. She was beginning to realize how foolish all this was and why her parents had chosen to leave it all behind. When the prescribed amount of time had passed, she excused herself from "what’s his name" and went to join Miss Fitzgerald who was sitting in the window seat, momentarily alone.
Julia was such a dear girl and Emily was pleased to maintain the friendship. Both girls readily slipped into the effortless conversation that was their trademark, and Emily again felt at ease. She determined to put the interlude with Philip from her mind and sort it all out later. Their private conversation, though, was soon joined by others and became more general.
When Philip entered the room it was to see Emily at the centre of a circle of young people, happily chatting and laughing joyously with her friends. He felt old and excluded for the first time in his life, but then Emily felt him looking at her and she smiled briefly at him in acknowledgement and all was right with his world again. Lady Clara had caught the exchange of looks and smiled in delight.
That evening they were invited to a dinner and poetry reading at the Eastwicks’. Emily was looking forward to it with keen anticipation. She enjoyed the company of the literary philosophers with whom Lady Eastwick associated. One was guaranteed to be highly entertained with that group since many were high-strung and temperamental. Emily enjoyed the good-natured banter and spirit of competition the artists shared amongst themselves. She wished she could participate in some other way than just as a spectator. But it was not to be, and it would be enjoyable nonetheless.
She dressed with great care, anticipating the evening spent in Philip’s company. Her nerves had settled after a short nap and she realized she had been foolish to run away after that kiss. She really needed to face things head on; she would try to speak to him at the first opportunity. It would be awkward no doubt, but she couldn’t have it hanging over them. Of course, since he was the gentleman, perhaps she should leave it to him to broach the subject. Maybe she would ask one of the philosophers that night, she thought to herself with a chuckle as she went to meet Lady Clara, it would be sure to spark a lively debate among the forward-thinking group.
Lady Arabella welcomed them warmly as her mother was already quite busy with other guests when they arrived. Lady Clara went off to join a cluster of her friends while Emily and Arabella walked over to a private alcove to enjoy a quiet conversation.
"I have not seen you about these last days at the parties. Is everything alright with you and your family?" questioned Emily in concern for her friend. "You actually look quite happy, so I should say there can't be anything too wrong."
"You are right, I am deliriously happy. John, I mean, Lord Brooke, has asked permission to pay his addresses to me, and I have accepted. We are to be married this coming summer." The usually quiet young woman nearly squealed in her excitement.
Emily was very happy for her friend but felt a momentary sense of envy darken her mood. This was the second betrothal of her closest young friends. Just the day before Jane had informed her that the details had finally all been worked out; she would be marrying her baron at the earliest opportunity. Emily felt lonely considering her own uncertain future. She then realized that she was being selfish and determined to be glad for Arabella. Emily smiled encouragingly and allowed Arabella to fill her ears with all the details of how he proposed and what plans they had already made for their lives together. She then carried on singing the praises of her fiancé for several moments. After rattling on for some time, Lady Arabella stopped mid-sentence and slapped a hand over her mouth.
"I am so sorry, Miss Spencer! Here I am yammering on like a ninny. Your barely even know my John, so you must be bored to tears."
Emily protested. "No, no, Lady Arabella, I truly am happy for you, I like hearing all about it."
"Well, I'm done talking about it for now, but I cannot promise I shall stay silent on the matter for the entire evening," she declared in good humour. "However, I have missed you; tell me what is new with you. I have been so caught up in my private business that it is as though I have been sequestered. Tell me all of the goings on about Town."
With that the two girls launched into a delightful conversation about all and sundry until the entertainment began. After that they mingled with the other guests and did not have a chance to speak the rest of the evening. Lord Brooke had arrived and Lady Arabella was very much preoccupied.
Philip had observed the interaction between Emily and her friend. He considered all he had gleaned from his time spent with many of the young ladies of Society and realized that Emily was unique among the young women. He could see that she was genuinely happy for her friend as she learned of her betrothal. He had seen the darker emotion flit across her face, but he knew she really enjoyed the company of the other young lady and was glad for her happiness. As he stood there mulling the matter over in his mind he realized that although he was sure that he and Emily agreed on many subjects, there were so many things he did not know about her. They only discussed the subjects of interest to him when they conversed. He truly had no idea what Emily wanted from life. She was obviously hiding her past; maybe she wanted her life to remain the way that it was as his mother's companion. He reflected on how she had run away when they returned to the house after that kiss; she was obviously frightened of her own feelings.
He resolved to hold off on declaring his intentions until such time as she felt more comfortable around him and he really knew what she wanted. He did not want her to marry him out of a sense of obligation. He marvelled at the change in himself, he was already thinking of her feelings over his own.I really am turning into a mooncalf like everyone else who gets struck by love,he thought in self-mockery, as he went to procure her a glass of punch. Then he and Emily enjoyed the rest of the evening companionably.
Chapter Twenty
The next day the countess and Emily slept late then had a quiet day in anticipation of the grand ball they were to attend that evening. Preparations started early, as they wanted to look their very best for what was expected to be one of the biggest events of the Season. It wasn’t every day a duke’s daughter was presented to Society and everyone wanted to join in the festivities. Lady Clara lent Emily the use of Smitty to set and style her hair for a truly glamorous look. Emily and the countess then spent the late afternoon giggling and gossiping together as they prepared at length for the evening to come.
At one point Lord Philip happened by the door to his mother’s room and heard the peels of laughter emitting from within. He just shook his head in amusement, happy to see his mother so joyous and youthful sounding. It had been a long time since he had seen her so happy and he was glad for the change, knowing it was Emily’s presence that had brought it about. He was determined to find out that night how his mother felt about her companion joining the family on a more permanent basis. He did not think she would mind since he had a feeling that was what she had been hinting at for weeks now. But at that moment he decided he would leave the ladies to their feminine enjoyment of the day, enough time for serious considerations later.
All the preparations were worth the effort as the countess and her young companion descended the grand staircase together to meet the earl as he waited for them. He was full of admiration for the beauty before him. The countess was looking radiant in her gracefully aging beauty. The family rubies glistened around her neck and were reflected in the deep burgundy hues of her gown. Emily, youthful beauty personified, was dressed in a gown of deceptive simplicity with a necklace of pearls encircling her slender neck.
“I shall be the envy of every man at the ball when I enter with the two of you on my arms,” complimented the earl gallantly as he helped them with their wraps and escorted them to the waiting carriage.
In the carriage, as Emily belatedly recalled that at such a large gathering ones such as Lady Merrivale would be in attendance and might renew the speculation about her, her anticipation was dampened by the trepidation. She hesitated to voice her concerns to her companions, but they must have sensed her disquiet since they both applied themselves to allaying her fears. She was soon distracted by Lord Philip’s witty repartee and Lady Clara’s jests, and before long they were deposited in front of the large and imposing edifice that was the London residence of the Duke of York. Emily, with a supreme effort of will, managed to keep her chin from dropping in awe. Although she had seen the huge but graceful building before, it truly sparkled this evening. The glow of the lanterns cast a special luminance to the evening as a myriad of candles shone through every window to light up the entire street. It was clear that no expense had been spared for this special evening.
