The expression on Hugh’s face indicated to Ellen when she turned to face him that he too was suddenly thinking about that kiss almost four years ago. She had only been fifteen years old when she had given the handsome young man her heart. He had barely turned twenty. She should have known they were too young to wed, but her heart hadn’t been the least bit interested in listening to any sort of logic. Besides, they had servants who wed at that age. Ellen hadn’t seen why it would be so very impossible for them.
They had been at Hanley House, in the home generations of Courtenays had been raised in. Hugh was visiting Ellen’s brother Jeffrey as a lark before he departed for his Grand Tour. He had seemed far more grown up and serious than on previous visits. Ellen had fallen desperately in love and had been certain the feelings had been reciprocated.
Most of the fortnight Hugh had spent with Ellen’s family had been entirely involved with Jeffrey, but he had taken the time to speak, dance, and play any manner of games with the three Courtenay girls as well. They all thought he was the most wonderful creature ever to have graced their halls. But only Ellen had truly fallen in love with him. Or so she had thought. Of course, she assured herself frequently, it couldn’t have been true love. She was far too young for one thing. For another, surely true love would have to be reciprocated to truly be, well, true.
But humiliation still burned through her whenever she allowed herself to think about the aghast expression upon Hugh’s face when the very perfect moment in his arms drew to a conclusion.
“My deepest and most sincere apologies, Ellen, but I cannot marry you.”
“I don’t recall having asked you, Hugh. I would have expected you to do the asking, for one thing.” She hadn’t thought through her answer, it had just tumbled out of her when he had made his ridiculous statement about not marrying her.
“I’m leaving next week for my Tour.”
“I know that.”
“And I’ve just kissed you far more thoroughly than a gentleman ought.”
Ellen had grinned. “I know that, too.”
“But I cannot marry you,” he had said it firmly, despite the evident anguish on his face. Ellen couldn’t begin to guess why he would be so torn up on the subject.
“I can wait for you to return,” she had said, but his suddenly implacable expression had made her hesitate and it had come out as a question rather than a determined statement.
“I cannot marry you, Ellen. I should never have kissed you. I am so sorry. I cannot offer you any sort of promises. And I cannot explain myself. Promise you will forget me.”
Ellen had stared at him in confusion before anger had saved her. “I find that an easy promise to make. I’ve forgotten you already, Hugh.” She had swept from the room and never seen him again until she had encountered him the night before at her first ball.
Apparently she had done as she had promised. She hadn’t prepared herself for encountering him. Ellen had completely forgotten her humiliation and anger in recent times despite the agonies she had gone through for years after his departure. It was the most foolish thing yet about this Season. How could she have possibly forgotten? And yet she hadn’t forgotten, not truly. She had merely shoved all the thoughts and feelings aside and chosen to ignore them. They no longer wished to be ignored.
Turning her mental back on the unwelcome memories, Ellen faced Hugh and didn’t care that she would appear confrontational and belligerent.
“What do you want Hugh? Don’t make me ask you again. I’d like to keep this conversation as brief as possible.”
“I thought we were friends, Ellen,” Hugh countered, sounding a trifle desperate as he ran his hand through his curls, causing them to appear rumpled in a dashing sort of way rather than disreputable. Ellen despaired. Why would he be even more handsome now?
“I don’t know why you would think that.”
“You seemed pleasant toward me last night when you asked after Jeffrey.”
“I was desperate for information,” she reminded him. “Is that why you’ve come? Do you know something I ought to be informed about? I had actually thought it might take another day to learn anything.”
“No, my courier hasn’t returned yet, probably I will know by this afternoon.” He paced away from her suddenly. “So you were only being pleasant because you wanted something from me? Is that what you’re telling me?”
Ellen shrugged. “Not exactly. I had kept my promise of forgetting all about you, to be honest, Hugh. But when I saw you last night, I remembered your long friendship with my brother and asked if you knew anything. It was you who promised to send a courier. I didn’t think of that.” She was relieved that her voice sounded quite reasonable now. What a conundrum. How could she get him to leave? What could he possibly want with her? Suspicion started to mount within her chest as she remembered her momentary thought when she’d seen him in the Park.
“Yes, yes, of course. I seem to always be apologizing to you, but once again I must do so. I’m sorry, Ellen. I haven’t been myself just lately.”
Ellen wanted to go to him and offer the comfort he so clearly needed. But she hardened her heart instead.
“I must ask why you were speaking with Mr. Northcott this morning, Richmond. You did not want me for yourself, but surely you cannot think to interfere with other possible matches for me, can you? What could you possibly benefit from ruining my future any more than you already have?”
Ellen watched while all colour drained from the handsome face before her.
“Have you been promised to Northcott?” he demanded. “He said nothing of it to me. I swear to you, Ellen, we were speaking of another matter that had nothing to do with you.”
Ellen’s always too tender heart felt as though it were bleeding from the drama it was experiencing that morning.
“Then once more, I must ask what you want, Hugh. If it is not in connection with your conversation with Mr. Northcott, then I do not see why you had to hustle directly from there to here. Surely you must see why I came to that conclusion.”
