‘I used to think that I might be just like her because I was often sad.’
‘I have yet to meet a person who wasn’t sad sometimes, Phillip. It’s simply part of life. I spent years at Belton Park trying my hardest to smile just so that I remembered the feeling, but places form you, don’t they, and in ways that you never realise until you are gone from them? Belton Park made me more melancholy than I wanted to be and much more guarded. When I came to London I was lonely until I met you.’
His glance came up at the words and for a second she felt dizzy. He was there as he had been before, a burning awareness that was enthralling, a new beginning as the disconnection between them loosened.
He had promised her courtship and he was trying to deliver it. The distance between them was getting smaller and every truth they gave to each other held the power to heal. She listened as he kept talking.
‘I learned the art of being reserved from Gretel and it was a mistake we both regretted in the end. The Perfect Match. TheUnion of the Season. Two people who were only meant for each other. That’s what people said all the time and we tried to believe it ourselves until…all that was left were regrets. Hers and mine. She was beautiful but she was also difficult, and when she died I felt guilty about not being able to make her different and about not loving her enough. She said that in the end we didn’t love each other enough.’
‘Only those in a marriage know what happens there. It’s what put me off the possibility of there ever being another one, though I doubt Lionel and I gave the impression of a perfect match. I sometimes wish I could do it all over again and get it right.’
‘With Lionel?’
‘No, certainly not.’ Her laughter filled the small glade, tinkling like the water, the sound like music to his ears. Every day she was recovering a little more. He could see it in the tone of her skin and in the humour in her eyes. She was sleeping less lately, too, and conversations such as these took him back to the time before.
They had always been able to talk well together and laugh.
‘In the winter this waterfall is much louder and the river spills over its banks onto the farmland below, forming a marsh that is filled with insect life.’
‘I would like to see that.’
It was the first time she had allowed the hint of a future between them.
‘I hope that you will. But now I think we should eat, for I have lunch in this basket.’
‘You have been more than kind to me, Phillip.’
‘And why should I not be, Willa?’
‘Because I did not trust you enough to help me and I should have.’
‘It was not all your fault. I had my part in it, too.’
The corners of her lips turned up.
That evening he came and sat with her by her bed. She had slept for an hour or so on their return from the waterfall but now that she was awake she looked excited about something.
‘I feel so much better than I did, which is a huge relief.’
‘I’m glad.’
She put out her hand to him and he placed his on top.
‘Could you stay with me in bed tonight for a while? Not to…’ She hesitated and did not finish. ‘Just to sleep?’
‘I’d like that.’ He leant down to undo his shoes and took off his socks and jacket. Then he slipped across to lie on top of the coverlet, putting his arm out so that she snuggled up beside him, her head pressed in.
‘You smell different. There are no gardenias.’
‘I left my perfume in London and I miss it.’
‘You smell…clean.’
She giggled. ‘It’s the soap that your housekeeper plies me with.’
Her breath was warm against his neck as she spoke.
‘It feels safe here at Elmsworth. I can see why you like the manor because it is strong and beautiful and constant. I have never lived in a place that has felt this way before.’
