‘It was simply because everything was more distant and hidden. My mistakes. My family. My husband. I always felt safer when no one could see how much the past had hurt me.’
She had understood him exactly as he fought to get his emotions under control. He’d had no mask today but he had survived. A few years prior he would not have managed anywhere near as well.
He wondered if he should tell her some of what had happened to him but held back because such a confidence could also be a burden for her and he did not want to give her worries that were his to deal with. Gretel had done that to him, time and time again, and each confession had seemed more and more like a heavy anchor.
So instead he brought her fingers up and placed a soft kiss on the back of her hand before letting it go.
‘Thank you for listening,’ he said. ‘Today would have been a lot more difficult without you there.’
Her smile was bright, the gold in her eyes catching a beam of sunlight that had slanted into the carriage at the turn of a bend.
Everything in her was centred on the man beside her, the feeling of connection strong.
Inside her heart beat faster, her breath was deeper and an odd feeling of heat crept through her body. Even the air around them contained something that was different, leaving her feeling light-headed and strange. Her reaction was ridiculous, she knew that it was, and she hoped that he would not notice her fluster.
‘Benjamin and his wife are looking well.’ His words were quiet. ‘It was a coincidence that you and Sarah were acquainted.’
‘It was.’ Her smile felt as artificial as her reply.
‘He said he would be in London next week on some business.’
‘That is good.’
She did not want these nothing words, not with all that she was feeling.
He was quiet then as though he too had decided such a conversation was pointless, and the silence thundered between them until he spoke again.
‘I was not happy as a boy.’
Better words. More real.
‘I am sure you discerned that from Ben Harcourt’s conversation. It was a difficult time for me.’
‘Why?’
‘Our family was struggling.’
She waited for more but the minutes lengthened.
‘Most families struggle at some point.’ She felt she needed to give something back. ‘Mine certainly did.’
He looked at her then, his blue eyes silvered in an unexpected sadness. ‘I have always admired your ability to say exactly the right thing at the right time, Wilhelmina.’
Her throat thickened as she held back tears at his compliment.
‘I don’t mean to make you sad, it’s just I never realised that someone might hold a gift like that. My wife never had such a knack.’
A different truth and so unexpected. Everything she had seen or heard of the beautiful Miss Gretel Carmichael had placed her on an unassailable pedestal. The perfect woman and the perfect wife.
‘If it makes you feel better, my husband would not have said the same of me, either.’
He smiled then and looked outside, the rows of trees close and blurred with the speed of the carriage. At their feet thebunch of colourful flowers from Sarah’s garden was carefully laid down.
‘You once asked me if I believed people might look at us from the afterlife and I replied that I hoped not. But I think I feel differently now because perhaps those who are gone and who did love us would have liked to see us happy.’
‘People like your wife?’
‘Yes.’
